


The Forgotten Cyborg

by radonicholas



Category: MapleStory
Genre: M/M, Surgery cw, anesthesia awareness cw, human experimentation cw, kidnapping cw, medical cw, torture cw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:35:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 49
Words: 29,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26040505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radonicholas/pseuds/radonicholas
Summary: Radon is from a MapleStory AU where there has been a lot more xenoroids than just Xenon and Beryl. Most of Radon's early story takes place before Xenon's in-game storyline. This first chapter lines up with one of Xenon's earliest in-game memories. All of the chapters will be written in first person from Radon's perspective.
Relationships: Xenon/Radon (MapleStory)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Childhood

**Author's Note:**

> Radon's story follows Xenon's story pretty closely at points, a lot of things may make sense if you are already familiar with Xenon's story in-game or have already played through Xenon's in-game storyline. Playing through other Resistance class characters may also give extra context to Radon's story.

My earliest memories.

It’s hard to remember a time before the facility. Back when I knew what the sky looked like without having to strain, when I knew what the sun felt like on organic skin. I had parents, or maybe just guardians who smiled at me; I don’t remember a thing about them. I don’t remember what they named me.

I was someone’s son, I must have been, but I don’t remember whose.

I don’t remember what I wore. It must have been the same as everyone else so young; a white button-up and brown overalls. Parents in Edelstein loved to dress up their kids in nice outfits.

I do remember what I looked like, though. My hair was orange—I was always difficult when someone tried to call it “red.” At least that’s still the same. I had freckles; they’re much paler now. I don’t know if they always were. He did try to bleach them. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

My eyes were brown.

I don’t know how old I was, but I was young. I remember going to parks, playing on the sidewalks. This was before parents had to worry so much about their children being taken by the black wings. Everyone on every block was family. There was an overwhelming sense of community. Every adult would act like a parent, in the kindest way possible, to you.

Every adult would give you the same warning to stay away from the mines. I followed their warning. I guess it wasn’t enough.

I remember the day everything changed a slight bit clearer. It was evening, and the sky was quickly growing darker. When I looked up, it was a cloudy purple. I stood, turning around to go home. A hand behind me grabbed my shoulder. I never made it home.

I’ll never say his fucking name again.

His memory can die.

My struggle wasn’t enough. I was too little. I ended up in a vehicle. In something cage-like. If I had to guess now, I’d say it reminded me of an animal control vehicle. By the time I could scream, the doors were closing. Cries surrounded me. I wasn’t the only one.

In the cage next to me, I saw something blue.

His scarf was blue. He was my age. His hair was dark. He sat close to the bars, sobbing into his sleeves. I reached my hand through the bars to him, and he took it. He looked up at me, and his eyes were brown too. I wish I could remember the name his parents gave him.

The engine revved, and the vehicle began to move. It drove for what felt like a long time. We held hands the whole drive. We talked too, I think, but I can’t remember what we said. I wonder if I knew I’d never see my loved ones again. I wonder if I knew I’d have their memories taken from me. I wonder if I knew what the hand I held would come to mean to me.

We didn’t let go until we were pulled out of our cages.


	2. More Than Mines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Radon finds out where he's been taken, and experiences his first found of torture at the hands of *******  
> (Active content warnings for descriptions torture and memory wiping)

We didn’t see the sky when we were taken out of our cages. We were already in the first part of the caves.

I tried to look up. The stalactites clinging to the roof of the cave glistened rotten yellow. I remembered the warning I always heard. When I tried to turn my head, I couldn’t find an exit. The caverns all faded to black. It was impossible to tell which path led out and which path led deeper into the earth.

I was carried away by an officer in the black wings uniform. I didn’t know that was what his uniform was. It was hard to see the other ones; their black suits blended in with the cave, and the gold accents on them looked like ore. They, and the cave itself, scared me too much to try screaming.

After I was brought somewhere, I was put into white hospital garbs. I don’t know what they did with the clothes I had before. When I was dressed, I was brought to a main area. Everyone else was there too. We all wore the same white gowns.

There were so many of us. More than I can remember. When I found the one I held hands with in the vehicle, I ran to him. We clung to each other. His scarf was gone, but he had the same eyes.

On a platform, the one who started all of this walked out. The one I refuse to name. Satan himself, though it would be an insult to the Devil to say so, for not even he could be so heinous. The roach who would never die, though he looked like a shambling corpse.

He said a lot of words that have since been lost with my earliest memories. Next to him, a young girl stood weakly. I’d never seen someone with silvery-blue hair before her. She would be there for a long time.

I looked back to the friend I had made. His kind eyes were now full of fear. 

At that moment, I knew I would do anything for him. I never wanted to see fear in his eyes again, though it was inevitable. So I decided I would do anything to ease him. That meant I had to be strong, or at least look strong.

We were led further into the mines, and the rocky ground gradually turned to white tile. A defined ceiling and walls formed, all white tile. We were moving forward in a corridor made of white tile in our white garbs.

One by one, we were pulled into a white room. We didn’t see what happened to each other, but I remember what happened to me. I was sat in a white chair, tied to the white chair. The roach said a few sentences to me. Told me he saw a look in my eye during his speech, and that he hated it.

Something sent a shock through my head.

Earlier that day, I was kidnapped.

And for a moment, that’s all I could remember.

I wonder how many of my memories stayed lost.

It didn’t stop.

When it was finally over, I was sent out of the room with a threat. I had to do my best not to stumble. If I did, I’d be brought back. And I might have been a few times. He didn’t want the others to know what would happen to them in the room. Even though I had a headache that made me feel like I was going to die, I walked. I dare not look at everyone left in line.

Far away, I sat down on the ground. When the friend I’d made came to join me, I held him. I didn’t have the heart to look into his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Chapter 2 notes) I'm still figuring out how everything works on AO3, so the tags might change on this as I upload more chapters! Expect a new upload every night for a few days, I wrote really far ahead ajkdfskb


	3. Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A gentle intermission.. they're coping

I swore I would always be there for him. And I was.

Things never got easier. They got worse everyday. Whenever I could, whenever that roach wasn’t there to stop me, I’d look for my friend. I’d find him.

He was never okay, how could he be?

I never was either. But I didn’t think about myself the way I thought of him.

Being his hand to hold used to convince me that things might be alright.

And he brought me a happiness I never knew before or since, so I was glad to give him what I could of myself.

One day I found him shaking and crying. I knew why, and I would’ve cried too.

I took his hand in mine and talked to him. It was the only grounding technique I knew.

The room we were in had a tall ceiling, taller than any building on the surface. At the top of it were large panes of dirty glass, arranged in an oddly geometric ring and circle. I pointed up to the sky, where shining white stars speckled the deep indigo sky. He looked up, enamored by the galaxies above us.

We sat on the ground together, staring up at the nebulas floating free. When I looked at him, I saw him smiling. The whole universe resided in his smile.


	4. Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first major surgery  
> (active content warnings for cybernetic body horror, implied eye trauma, and surgery)

Between the memory wipes, we began to get physical assessments. No one knew why yet. We still hadn’t been told what would become of us.

One day, the roach gathered us for another speech. I can only remember the gist of it.

He told us that he was ready to move things along.

Which still didn’t make sense, until we were told to follow the officers.

We were marched to a different part of the cave system, greeted this time by different architecture. The halls were dark. The walls were decorated with deep blue circuitry, and small lights dotting every surface blinked in reds, greens, and yellows. The sound of mechanical beeps and whirrs filled the air.

We were told we’d be lined up outside another room. Unable to line ourselves up, we were entirely helpless even from the deception of choice. We stood still. I imagine each of us hoped we could somehow vanish if we were still enough.

When the roach showed up, he told us he’d decided to line everyone up, but that the last one he called would be the first one to go. The last two people left were my friend and myself. He decided to spare my friend, and for once I was thankful. But not entirely thankful. Because now I had to go find out what was in that room.

The room looked the same as the hall, but with more screens. I was tied to a metal chair. Again. It used the same belts as the last. This time, instead of pushing wires against my head, he pulled out a needle. And held it.

I started to panic, pulling at my restraints. He watched me. I could only describe his expression as joy. The needle was shoved into my arm, and I started to feel tired.

It would’ve felt like I was asleep. I thought I saw dreams begin to form on the backs of my eyelids, until he opened them. His disgusting, rotten-toothed smirk filled my vision. And he held a tool.

When it was over, and the anesthesia had worn off, I saw myself in a screen.

My eyes weren’t brown anymore.

When I could hear, I was given my new name.

Radon.

I was sent out of the room with my head held down. When I was out of sight, I collapsed to the ground. When I put my head in my hands, I could still cry. The eyes behind my eyelids felt harder than they did before. Like dense glass.

I sat in the same spot for hours, until I heard running toward me. I stood up and turned to catch him in my arms. 

His eyes weren’t brown anymore either.

They were blue, the same shade of cyan as the scarf he used to have. They looked like screens, dashed with lines. A shape like a gear replaced his pupils. And they were full of fear.

He told me that my eyes were gold.

And panicked because he couldn’t remember my name.

I told him what I was named, because I couldn’t remember my name either.

He was named Xenon.

We didn’t leave each other’s side. We went to the room with the glass ceiling, and stayed there until night fell again. We laid down, holding each other’s hand and staring up at the sky. The stars were clearer now. It was bittersweet.

He told me he was afraid. Afraid of what he was becoming.

I looked at him, and he looked back at me. The worry on his face was clear. I felt awful, but I could still recognize him. I could still see him in his eyes, just through different windows.

I told him that I knew he was still him. And that nothing the roach did to us would ever change that.

His worry softened, and he looked back up to the sky.

I think I made a joke. I can’t remember what it was now. But I remember watching his face as he laughed gently at something.

His eyes were gone, but he still had the same smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Chapter 4 notes) I officially started my college classes today! My uploading schedule should still be the same for a few weeks, though (All my classes are online, stay safe everyone)


	5. Xenoroids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A slower chapter, which briefly features a few others

Time passed. I don’t know how I’d lived for as long as I had in that place.

The eyes weren’t the only thing we had replaced. It wasn’t too bad, though, because I wasn’t awake for most of them.

We were given weapons, and full body suits we weren’t allowed to take off. Mine came to restrict my movement, but I think that was intentional. As I got older, I grew more reckless. I would’ve tried to use my weapons for something better, but I was afraid something would happen to Xenon if I did. The roach saw the way we looked at eachother.

Things grew to be a type of normal. I remember a few others somewhat clearly. Our numbers had been dwindling over the years. We were called xenoroids.

I started to explore the caves. I got pretty good at it. The guards and officers could never find me after a while. I never found a perfect exit, but I was able to eavesdrop. Sometimes I wished I didn’t eavesdrop. I was haunted by the sound of the roach’s cackling, and his crackling radio.

I don’t remember what I heard, but I moved back to the main room before I was caught.

“You’re lucky.” A voice reminded me when I had crawled back into sight. I looked up at the source, and was relieved. She wasn’t a guard, but was another xenoroid. She always listened to the roach like a teacher’s pet, even went as far as to call him her father. Her name was Beryl.

“I don’t know about that.” I said, standing up.

“I could tell him about you.” She pointed out to me. She could, but she never did.

“Yeah,” I mumbled, suddenly nervous. “Thanks for not doing that.”

She looked at me for a moment, then turned and walked away. I always got on her nerves, but it was in the way that siblings get on each other’s nerves. I followed her back to where the others were.

On the floor, two other xenoroids sat and made shapes out of rocks. They could’ve played tic tac toe, but we didn’t know it existed. We had forgotten almost everything we learned from the outside world.

“Hey!” I waved to them. They looked up.

Calcium—but I always just called her Cal—lifted her head first. Her brown hair covered her face. She moved it and waved back with a gentle smile. She was always quiet. Her eyes seemed to always be glazed over, staring out into another world. When she looked at you, you’d get the feeling that the lights were on, but nobody was answering the door. I couldn’t blame her.

“Hey! Radon!” Krypton bellowed back. He had a rowdy exterior with boundless compassion underneath, almost like a domesticated bull. He never had a problem with the rest of us, but he did have a problem with our situation. And he threw himself at his problems like a wrecking ball. “Where’ve you been?”

“You know.” I grinned. They knew about what I did in my spare time. “Where’s Xenon?”

“He’s asleep.” Krypton answered, pointing back with his thumb. The path led to the room with the glass ceiling; everyone knew Xenon and I spent all our time there. I thanked him and left.

I looked around the corner, and he was there. Laying down in the center of the room, facing the stars. It was night again. You could never tell what time it was down there without going to check.

I stepped into the room and laid down next to him. He started to wake up, and I felt bad for not moving more quietly. He looked at me, smiling. I smiled back, and for a moment I knew what peace felt like.

We held hands and fell asleep staring at the stars, like we always did.


	6. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the worst things that can happen do happen  
> (active content warnings for surgery, anesthesia awareness, descriptions of blood, and body horror)

The next day, we were being brought into another surgery. I always tried to remind myself that I would just knock out and it would be over fast, but I could never shake the terror I had at the thought of being cut open. Especially when I had no idea what would be done to me.

And I hated the hospital garb we were put in. No matter how stiff my suit was, it was still armor. Armor is designed to protect you from being gutted. Wearing the garb was the opposite. And the color white was synonymous with torture for me.

When it was my turn, I just closed my eyes tight and waited for the anesthesia to kick in. Once it did, it would essentially be over.

But. It didn’t.

Not fully. I was laying on the table with barely any restraints. But when I tried to move. I couldn’t. My muscles would twitch if I was lucky. I hoped my eyes would stay closed. They opened.

When the roach noticed. He was enthusiastic.

He started rambling about how rare it was for something like this to happen, and waved his scalpel in my face.

When the surgery started. I felt it go into my lower left side.

I couldn’t do anything.

It felt like it went on for forever. I could feel my own blood dripping down my side. And movement. Tools in the wound. Hands. I couldn’t kick. I couldn’t scream.

Of course he didn’t want me to lose this memory.

When it was over. I couldn’t stop shaking. The scar it left was always bigger than all the others.

And any pressure on the side would make me remember.

And I was always afraid of it happening again.

When I left the room. I had to do my best to look like I wasn’t breaking down.

I went to Xenon and I’s spot and sat down. I wrapped my arms around myself. I didn’t want to think about anything but Xenon.

It was clear to see I wasn’t alright.

“Radon!” I heard him call my name behind me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I choked. I didn’t want to look up. Or turn around. Or move. “I’m fine.”

“Please tell me what happened.” He kneeled down in front of me and spoke softly, wiping tears off my face. I didn’t realize they were there. I wondered if I started crying when my face was still numb.

“I,” I looked up at him. He made me feel safe. “I was awake.”

For a minute, he looked lost. When the realization hit him, I saw his eyes widen in horror.

“Radon, I’m so sorry,” he gently wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to him. I leaned against him before hugging him tight. I was surprised. It was hard to remember all the times I’d been hugged. I almost forgot what it was called.

I don’t remember when we let go of eachother.


	7. Vanished

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thinking about foreboding things

I mentioned that the number of xenoroids were always dwindling.

Cal was gone. Krypton was gone. I can’t remember who went first, but one day they were just gone. I remember the last time I saw them.

The roach wanted to see how they were in combat. He put them in a room against a giant automated enemy, and watched through a window. He made Xenon, Beryl, and I watch too.

Luckily, it was just a mock enemy—all it did was roar and stomp its feet.

Cal went first. She was given a bow and arrows, maybe a crossbow. When the opponent came out, she aimed, pulled back her weapon, and collapsed. The roach started to yell. Cal laid on the floor, making a noise like a broken radio. Xenon grabbed my arm, and we were both terrified. Beryl shook her head with a grimace.

Black wings guards had to carry her out of the room. She was still twitching. I never saw her stop twitching.

Krypton was sent in next. His weapons were always being changed, but I think this time he had a spiked hammer. I saw him stare up at the enemy with a grin. He swung his hammer around in the air a few times, then tossed it toward the window. The roach screamed and ran. It didn’t break, but the entire pane fractured out like a spider web. The spikes stuck in the glass, and it was obvious to see Krypton was aiming for his head.

Beryl ran after him, worried for his safety. Xenon and I were worried about what would happen to Krypton. We looked at each other, then at him through the glass. He flashed us a full smile. That was my final memory of him.

I sat in one of the rooms we were allowed in and thought about those moments.

Xenon came into the room, and I turned to smile at him. There was worry in his face. He sat down next to me, and I gently set my hand on his.

“What’s wrong?”

“I was thinking about Cal and Krypton,” He started. I nodded.

He looked down. Neither of us knew what to say, or think. Silence took over.

“Why haven’t they gotten rid of me yet?”

“What?”

“Why do they keep me around?” He repeated. “The way they treat me.. the way _he_ treats me almost scares me more than the idea of disappearing. The thought of what he might do with me terrifies me.”

I didn’t know what to say. I understood what he was feeling.

I held him. He buried his head in my shoulder, and I still remember the feeling of his hair on my cheek.

“It’s scary to think about what might happen next,” I started, “but you will never belong to them. You will always be your own person, and they can never take that away from you no matter what they try.”

“I don’t feel like a person anymore.” His voice was shaky.

I held him tighter and swallowed my pain.

“I know they don’t treat us like people, but they can never take your humanity away from you.” I blinked away tears. “You deserve better than this.”

We stayed there. When I closed my eyes, it almost felt like nothing else was real.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”


	8. Evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'd risk it all for you

We’d settled into our new schedule. Xenon, Beryl, and I all got officially designated weapons. I was given two knives, they were called dual blades. We would do regular training, against bots and each other. I tried my best to treat it like a game. We were also able to access more of the facility, even places I hadn’t discovered before.

“You’re annoying.” Beryl commented to me as we left from a training session one day.

“No he’s not.” Xenon defended.

“I’m annoying and I’m at peace with that.”

Beryl rolled her eyes. Our attitudes and outlooks always clashed. She always followed the rules and took things seriously; I couldn’t afford to do that. We did get along sometimes, though.

I’ll get back to you when I remember a time we got along.

She walked down a fork in the hall, leaving Xenon and I alone.

“Radon,” Xenon started, “You smile so much. I don’t know how you’re able to do that.”

“Well, I have you.” When I looked at him, he smiled back.

We kept walking, and eventually sat down on a bench. A few had been added to the room with the glass ceiling we always stayed in, but it was all still white. The only thing I liked about the room was the roof.

It was still daytime, so we stared at the ceiling, hand in hand, waiting for night and hoping we wouldn’t be called for anything. We still got regular surgeries and memory wipes. I never thought the memory wipes worked all that well, though. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to forget. Maybe the roach just liked to see me in pain. They hurt.

A lot.

We didn’t have much to do aside from wait for the night. Sometimes we slept, but we didn’t like to take the risk during daytime. We got in trouble for sleeping in the day, and if we did need to get taken for something we’d definitely be found. Aside from sleep, hobbies didn’t exist.

It wasn’t all bad, though. Time passes slow when you’re not doing anything. The fact that I was able to spend the seconds, minutes, and hours with Xenon made it worth it.

Evening started to fall, and I breathed a sigh of relief. We were safe at night.

Safer. We were never fully safe.

I stood up, then held out my hand to Xenon. He took it and stood. Our eyes locked, and neither of us could look away. Suddenly realizing what we were feeling, Xenon blinked and glanced downwards.

“What is it?” I asked

“It’s just .. that they’re always monitoring us. You should know that. You might get in trouble if someone sees us.”

“I know.”

I lifted his head back up with my hand. When our eyes met, I closed mine. I wanted to make the decision his.

That was our first kiss.


	9. Flower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fool in love

After the night we shared, I wondered for a while what life would have been like for Xenon and I if we had been free. If we were just normal people back in Edelstein, who weren’t held captive, who hadn’t had our lives stolen from us. I thought about how I would bring him gifts everyday. How I’d strive to give him every good thing in the world, because that’s what he deserved.

I was walking around a different area of the facility this time. It was much closer to the surface. The air didn’t suffocate you, and you could see the sky if you were lucky. I ended up passing a heavily guarded exit.

I knew I couldn’t leave. There was a spiked fence taller than I could gauge outside it, and a dozen alarms around it. But I did see something through the exit: a flower.

It had full blue petals, and a golden center. It was the only blossoming plant I could see, and it swayed gently in the wind. It was also on the inside of the fence.

It was beautiful.

When the idea hit me, I didn’t think about it for very long. Where else would I find such a unique gift? Especially since I may never have the opportunity again. Especially since I didn’t think I’d live to see freedom.

I ran. Every alarm blared behind me. I took the flower and ran back inside. I didn’t even have time to appreciate the sun on my face. It was the briefest taste of freedom.

Everything blinked in red for a little while. I hid the flower in one of my battery packs. No one would look there, I wasn’t even supposed to be able to open them anyway.

The black wings guards had to check to see that we were all still there, but after that we were cleared. I was off the hook, I assumed.

“That was freaky,” Xenon commented when we were alone. “I didn’t know what was going on.”

“Well, I have some answers.” I smiled. He tilted his head. I took out the flower.

“I found this outside,” I explained. “I wasn’t supposed to go outside, but I thought you’d like it.”

“Radon,” he muttered, torn between affection and worry. “Please be careful. It’s beautiful.”

“I lived, didn’t I?” I laughed. “It reminded me of you.”

He smiled, holding the flower to his chest.

“I love it, but I love you more.” He looked up. “Please don’t do things this reckless.”

“I won’t do anything like this again.” I promised. “I’m glad you like it.”

We didn’t have what we needed to keep the flower alive for very long, but Xenon cherished it. He hid it behind one of the benches in our room, and took it out to hold and admire every time we were there. He also didn’t leave my side for a while. He didn’t want me to do anything else that dangerous, but I think he was also worried about what might happen to me if he wasn’t there.

If I ever got out, I wanted to always be able to see the look in his eyes he got looking at that flower.


	10. Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into Radon's breakdown  
> (active content warnings for vague descriptions of a traumatic event and implied conversion abuse)

The roach demanded to see me. He pulled me into a room by the wrist.

He yelled a lot of things. Pushed me down. He was half my size but he pushed me down.

I was in trouble. He knew.

He saw everything.

Everything.

I don’t know where my armor went. I don’t know where my armor went.

He was going to hurt me.

He hurt me.

It didn’t have to do with anything else.

In a white room.

White garb.

So much fucking white.

He hurt me.

The fucking roach.

Thought it would “cure” me.

“Correct” me.

Hurt.

I don’t remember how I got out of that room.

Without my armor.

Exposed.

I sat on the ground shaking and crying for I don’t know how long.

I’ve never been able to gauge an hour.

When Xenon found me, he was horrified.

I never cried where he could see me.

I guess Beryl told him what happened, because he was afraid to get closer.

But I didn’t care. I didn’t blame him. I still loved him.

I held out my arms to him, and he immediately fell to the ground and held me.

He rocked me gently until I stopped shaking. Stroked my hair until I stopped crying.

His hands were healing.


	11. Decommission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> curiosity killed the cat

I lived. I always did.

Nothing much changed for a while. Xenon and I still spent all our time together. Beryl still acted like everything was fine. There were still upgrades. Surgeries. Torture. I still made bad decisions.

It was a while later. I was exploring around somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be.

I heard a voice.

A conversation.

If you could call it that. It was one-sided.

Like all conversations with the roach where.

He was talking at Beryl. About me.

I was going to die.

I was going to disappear. I was going to be decommissioned.

Everything in front of me zoomed out, like I was looking down a tunnel. I heard a quiet ringing. It sounded like the machines he hooked me up too. Everything had a white fuzz around it. Vibrating. I could feel something vibrating under my skin. My nonhuman pulse was racing.

I left, and collapsed. It was the same spot Beryl found me last. I remembered it. She was already there. Looking down at me. I couldn’t get up.

I begged her. She was his favorite. And she was the only one who didn’t hate him. If he was going to listen to any of us, it would’ve been her. I begged her not to let me die.

She looked down at me, but she wouldn’t look me in the eyes.

She walked away. Never said a word.

So I stayed there. Alone.

I don’t know how long I sat there for. Feeling like all the tendons in my body would just unravel. Like all my bones would fall out of socket and I’d be left in pieces. 

Eventually, I stood up. I had to. I didn’t want Xenon to see me like that.

I walked back to our room with my consciousness floating just outside of my body.


	12. Last Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i can't die he needs me

I didn’t know how to tell him about what I heard. I didn’t want to.

We were the only things keeping one another together. I was terrified to leave his side. If I didn’t think it would hurt him, I wouldn’t have been as afraid.

I wasn’t very good at hiding this worry, though.

We were laying together. Xenon set his hand on mine before sitting up.

“Radon, you’ve been acting off lately.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve just been quiet, and tense.” He shrugged. “It made me worried.”

“I’m alright, you don’t have to worry.” I sat up. I could tell from the worry in his eyes that he didn’t buy it.

“You can tell me if anything happened lately, I can handle it.” He squeezed my hand gently. “You’ve been here for me for so long, I want to be here for you too.”

I took a deep breath, and fell into his arms.

“They’re going to get rid of me. I’m sorry.”

He held me tighter, and I thought I could feel his tears in my hair.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I’m sorry.” I couldn’t apologize enough. For not being what he needed.

“It’s okay, you haven’t done anything wrong.” He rocked me the way he did last time I broke down.

We spent the rest of the night in each other’s arms, but I couldn’t sleep.

We spent the rest of the days before I got decommissioned closer than before. I was scared. I was scared of what he might go through without me, without anyone to be there for him. Without anyone to remind him that he deserved better. That he was a beautiful person. That he was still human despite everything.

I didn’t want him to be alone, and I was scared of being alone too. I was terrified I’d never see him again. That if I died, I’d just become nothing. That he’d get his memory wiped, and no one would remember me.

I didn’t want him to forget. I didn’t want him to live the rest of his life thinking no one cared about him. That no one loved him. I loved him. I still do.

The last night came, and we sat together. Huddled on a bench against the wall. We didn’t want to be in the center of the room. Our anxiety grew as the sky lightened, early morning creeping up.

We couldn’t sleep. I don’t think he wanted to.

He started to cry.

“I don’t want to forget about you, Radon.”

I held him tight and kissed him, trying to ignore the tears streaming down my face.

“I know. I’m sorry.” I wished there was something I could do. I thought of something.

“Wait,” I interrupted myself. Gently taking his hand in mine, I lifted it to my face.

I knew his memories would be targeted. I knew the roach didn’t want Xenon to remember the times we kissed. But physical memories were always harder to conceal, so I thought that if I did something unique enough, he might just be able to remember it. Just in case I didn’t die. Maybe if I met him in the afterlife.

We weren’t allowed to take off our atomic suits, but his gloves didn’t cover his fingers. I kissed his hands gently, then each of his fingers. Just in case.

Then, for the rest of the night, we held each other. There wasn’t much else we could do.

It was a while later, but it was still too soon. Black wings guards came into our room. And tore us away from each other.

They brought us to the same room. Carrying us just out of reach of one another.

I don’t remember when or how I lost my armor, but I ended up in the white gown again.

I didn’t want to go down. But the roach choked me. I remember scratching at his hands on my neck.

There were tubes. I saw Cal and Krypton in them. And so many others. Others I had forgotten about. Others I didn’t realize I had forgotten. And didn’t recognize.

There were so many.

He forced me into one of the tubes.

And made Xenon watch him do it.

The last thing I saw was his face. The terror in his eyes.

I wanted to tell him I was okay. I reached out my hand. And everything went dark.


	13. His Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how long was i out for

They thought I’d forget.

But I remembered.

Everything.

My legs felt heavy when my feet touched the ground. Everything was cold on my bare skin. I’d been lifted out of the tube, and all I wore was the hospital gown I was suspended in. I still didn’t know where my armor was. Where my knives were.

I looked around. I saw everyone I had known; the girl who always collapsed when they tried to use her, the boy who destroyed everything he could when they tried to take advantage of him. People I had known. People I never knew. People I had forgotten I’d known.

Everyone but him. Everyone but Xenon.

Everyone was still. I still didn’t care about what else would happen to me. I began to walk. To look. My legs felt like jelly, but I walked. I couldn’t remember if anyone had ever taught me how to pray, but I could’ve prayed he was okay. The guards blocked the room’s exits. The others in gowns stepped aside as I walked by them.

I heard an evil voice and recoiled. It was the man I wished would rot. The one too old for Earth, collapsing in his skin. Keeping the devil waiting. The roach. He cackled in his white coat and made an announcement.

The room was being renovated. Room was being made for a new project, we were told. He didn’t say what he meant by that.

I didn’t think I would be freed, though.

When he left, I pushed on. I walked again.

I needed to find Xenon. I still thought about him. I dreamed about him while I was in suspended motion. While I was dead. His smile was all I saw when I closed my eyes. They might have wiped me from his memory, but they could never wipe him from mine.

My brain had been through a lot, but no electrical current could make me forget. I knew who I was, and what I was. I knew I was human. I knew he was human. I knew I loved him.

I knew what had been done to me.

And to him.

I remembered far back, when we met. Kidnapped and crying. I remembered when our eyes were replaced. The roach could never replace his smile. I remembered when the guards would stare at us. Two boys. Two partial machines.

I remembered when the roach would tell them “machines can’t love.”

Every day I made it through was dedicated to Xenon’s happiness. His smile made the suffering bearable. His laugh made life feel almost normal. When we held each other I could close my eyes and pretend we weren’t fading away deep underground.

And now I was here.

Defenseless.

Exposed.

Alone.

Numb.

When I was put into suspended motion, I thought I was dead. But I wasn’t. Not yet.

His face was the last thing I saw before I lost consciousness. I had to find him. I had to tell him I was okay. I had to know he was okay.

I had no reason to smile, but I had a reason to hold myself up. I had a reason to walk.

Opening my eyes, I pulled my consciousness back into my body. I walked.

I knew who to trust and who not to trust. I knew who to avoid. I knew which paths to take and which were dead ends. Which were traps. I followed a hall and crouched. I listened.

It was dangerous to be this close to the roach’s room, but I had to know. I tuned out his music out of habit. I listened to his spoken words, even though his voice made me want to vomit.

I found out what the new project would be.

Certain death. A neurotoxin of complete and total puppetry. And I knew who he would use it on first.

I wouldn’t let myself die.

An idea rose in my mind. It was something I always held on to, but could never go through with because it would mean leaving behind the one I loved.

I walked.

Now, he wasn’t here. I had searched the room with the others in it before sneaking out and could not find even a hint of him anywhere. I whispered his name and saw not even a nod of a head.

I took a turn.

He didn’t die. I refused to believe anything like that could have happened to him.

I crawled.

He had to have escaped while I was unconscious. That had to be true. He couldn’t have died.

I came to a path.

He was alive out there somewhere. And that meant I had to find him.

The room I arrived in was a room dedicated to disposables. It wasn’t just for trash. It was for everything that would be sent to the scrapyard. I always thought of it as my best possibility for escape, but I was never brave enough to try to bring him with me in the past. I would have never forgiven myself if something bad happened to him.

The guards weren’t there. I snuck into the pile as quickly and as quietly as I could. There were robots all around me. And pieces of them. It felt like I was among corpses. They were my friends. I would talk to them when I snuck around. They would never rat me out. They sympathized with me. I sympathized with them.

Some eyes lit up around me. Not everyone was dead. I held my finger to my mouth with pleading eyes. They moved and covered me in silence. I was thankful for them.

Soon, I felt the room moving. We were on our way to the scrapyard.

I closed my eyes, breathing deep relief for the first time in my life. I was excited to feel the sun again. I was excited to breathe clean air. But mostly, I was excited to see his smile again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of where it all started in a way .. I've wanted to write Radon's entire story for a while, but the first thing I actually wrote about him was a one-off of this scene! I made the original one-off based on a writing prompt (Tomi Adeyemi Prompt #42!) because it fit Radon Perfectly. Big thank you to Tomi Adeyemi for the prompt that pushed me to get into writing the rest of this, and big thank you to my friends who encouraged me to work on it!


	14. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it makes me feel almost normal. almost.

I think I dozed off.

It was when the surface under me opened that I woke up. I found myself rolling down a hill of metal, and didn’t fully wake up until I hit the dusty ground. I was okay. I could get tossed around a lot without getting too injured.

Blinking a few times, I sat up and looked around. It was like a desert, warm with barren, sandy dirt. There were tall piles of metal, and cranes in every direction. It was quiet. I didn’t hear the buzzing that was ever present in the caves. Water didn’t drip off stalactites into puddles on a cold, rocky ground. The ground was hot; it would’ve hurt if my skin hadn’t been enhanced. I would’ve let it burn me.

I stood up, slowly. Adjusting to the ground. It was smooth and soft. It didn’t hurt my heels.

I looked up. It was the middle of the day, and the sky was a clear and bright cyan. It reminded me of Xenon. It was so much more vivid than it looked through the glass.

The heat on my face felt amazing. On my skin. The air in the caves was always so cold. It made me feel like a normal human again.

I started to walk around. I didn’t know what to look for. I didn’t even know how to celebrate. I was smiling, though. I didn’t even have to try. I always had to try really hard in the caves.

As I looked around, I started to run. I wasn’t running from anything. For the first time in years, I wasn’t in danger. I had energy. I didn’t have to force myself. I didn’t feel fear. I was happy. It felt good to run without needing to.

I didn’t realize I’d started laughing until after I stopped. It felt like I was glowing. The way humans glowed when they felt joy.

I set my hand on a piece of metal to lean on. It was highly reflective, almost mirror like, and I saw myself when I looked into it. As I looked at my own body, I started to realize a lot of things I never thought about before.

I was an adult.

How long had I been an adult for?

And I had so many scars.

Some from having to fight. Some from surgery.

My freckles weren’t dark anymore. They were pale. Paler than the rest of my skin. Bleached.

My eyes were gold. They were glass. They weren’t the brown eyes I was born with.

Everything had been taken from me. My childhood. My bodily autonomy. My peace of mind. I was still wearing that white gown.

I felt the vibrating under my skin. My ears started to ring. It sounded like I was back in the cave again. The reflection behind me was all white. White like those fucking walls.

I started to step back from the reflection, and tripped. The hot ground brought me back. I wasn’t in the caves anymore. I was outside. I was free.

I curled up in the dirt for a while. I was free. I was safe. I had my life back.

I swore I’d never wear so much white ever again.


	15. Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of a new life

I got up eventually, and started to wander again. The terrain was unlike anything I’d ever seen before. I saw burnt brown dirt and golden sand; some areas were more sandy than others. It was the first time I saw sand.

The cranes intrigued me. They were so tall, and they actually reached the sky. None of the ones I found out there had ladders, but they looked like they could be climbed.

“The stars must look amazing from up there,” I thought out loud.

Even seeing the stars from ground level would be an upgrade for me, though.

I tried to avoid the piles of scrap metal. I looked at a few of them at first, but. Finding pieces of robots I thought I recognized scared me away. Thinking about them made the piles feel uncanny, even from a distance.

The piles were everywhere in most places, though. Like the hedges of a maze. So I just didn’t focus on any of the nearby ones.

I stepped out from behind one, and heard a beep.

It wasn’t a beep from a computer or anything. It had the tonal inflection of someone sentient.

“Ah!” A dull green robot made of square shapes stared back at me. “You scared me! I thought you were one of those xenoroids.”

“Uh,” I felt my chest tighten. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay! I’m sorry if I scared you, too.” He nodded. “I don’t find a lot of humans so deep in Scrapyard. What brought you here?”

“I was, uh, dropped off here.”

“Hm. Weird spot to drop someone fleshy off at. You seem lost.”

“I guess I am. I don’t really know what I’m looking for.”

“Oh?” He tilted his head. “Do you have.. A home to go to, maybe? Since you seemingly don’t have anything else to do?”

“I don’t.”

“Oh,” his voice dropped. “We don’t see a lot of humans, but, do you maybe want to come check out Haven? Everyone’s really nice.”

“What’s Haven?”

“‘What’s Haven’?” He repeated back to me, incredulous, already taking my hand to lead the way. “You REALLY must not be from around here. Have you been living under a rock?”

“Worse.” I laughed. “A few rocks.”

“You’re a strange one. I like you.”


	16. Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Radon gets brought to a town he could only dream of

On the walk to Haven, I felt nervous, and strangely ashamed.

The only reason this robot trusted me was because he thought I wasn’t a xenoroid.

It did feel good, though, to be recognized as a human. Because I was still human. Just not fully.

What happened when I wasn’t here to make the robots distrust xenoroids?

I thought about Beryl. I never saw her in that room, but knowing her, I imagined she was doing fine. Maybe even great. Maybe she got whatever the xenoroid version of a promotion was for being so cooperative and loyal. Maybe the roach sent her out on missions to terrorize the residents of Haven.

And then I thought of my friends. The other xenoroids who were decommissioned before me. Maybe there were more who weren’t in that room that day. Maybe they were being used like puppets, commanded to torment those in Scrapyard. I knew the roach was already working on a way to control people like that anyway.

And Xenon. I didn’t want to think about what he could be going through. It hurt too much.

When we got to Haven, I was speechless. There were so many robots, and they were all so happy. Music was playing, and one of them sang karaoke along to the tune. Everyone walked around and did jobs, but they all had such a bounce in their step. They were all glowing.

“Is it a holiday?” I asked the robot who had brought me there.

“Nope, just another day.” He chirped.

He took my hand again, and started to show me where everything was. There were weapons shops, clothing and armor shops, even food shops for passing human travelers. It had been years since I had food.

I was about to ask to check it out, but a pair of robots came up to us.

“Oh, you found a human?” A pink robot with an extra arm said to the green robot.

“Yeah! He’s weird.”

The blue robot with one eye let out a hearty laugh.

“What’s his name?” He asked

“I forgot to ask,”

“I’m Radon.” I smiled.

“It’s nice to meet you!” The pink robot shook my hand. “I’m Three-Arms, and this is my husband One-Eye.”

“It’s nice to meet you all too!” I didn’t know what a handshake was, but they didn’t seem to notice.

“Where are you from?” One-Eye asked.

“Well,” I tugged uncomfortably at the hospital garb I was still wearing, but before I could explain, there was a loud sound behind us.

We all turned to see other robots screaming and running. In the middle of the panic was a humanoid figure.

It wasn’t human. At all.

It was made of metal, but not the same metal as everyone else. It was a reflective silver.

There were a few more behind it. Some were identical to it.

Like they were mass produced.

Half of them had scythes. The other half had swords. They started to attack the robots. Some tried to grab them.

I grabbed two knives from the weapons booth. I still remembered how I used my dual blades.

The more I looked at the enemies though. The more I realized they looked like my friends.

I knew it wasn’t an accident.

When I caught the blue eyes of the one in front of me. I had to close my eyes.

But I was able to do it. I was able to keep everyone safe.

When everything was over, I collapsed to the ground. I had to pick up a piece of arm to make sure there was no blood. There wasn’t. It was all wires. They were still sparking. I threw it.

“Radon! Are you okay?” I heard Three-Arms call behind me. I was still in shock.

“Those are the xenoroids I was talking about!” The robot from earlier yelled to me.

“Those aren’t xenoroids.”

My voice was shaky.

“Huh?” He muttered.

“What do you mean?” One-Eye asked, already reaching out a hand to help me up. He looked into my eyes. And I think he realized.


	17. New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i live here now

“So that’s why you’re wearing that white gown, huh?” The green robot asked. I don’t think he had a name. He never told me it.

“I hate it.” I nodded in confirmation.

I told them about most of what had happened to me. Vaguely. I couldn’t afford to be specific. And there were a lot of things I couldn’t say out loud myself. They understood.

“I thought he would only treat robots in such a cruel way.” One-Eye said. He couldn’t look me in the face since he realized.

“Human or robot, you’ll always have a home with us, Radon.” Three-Arms said, gently setting a hand on my shoulder. “You saved us.”

“Thank you.”

Three-Arms and One-Eye let me stay in their house while I recovered. What happened made me dizzy. We went back outside when I felt like I could stand again. I asked to visit the weapons keeper first.

“I had to use these knives when the .. metal xenoroids attacked.” I explained myself. “How much do they cost? I don’t have any money right now, but I can pay you back when I’m able to.”

“You don’t have to worry about it.” They smiled, waving a hand. “You’ve already used them for something much more valuable.”

“Oh. Thank you.” I nodded.

I met back up with Three-Arms, One-Eye, and the green robot, and they showed me to the armor shop. There were a lot of things to choose from. There were shirts made of chainmail, pants made of plated metal, thick leather, light robes.

There was also a black shirt and black shorts. Just normal clothes.

My favorite thing about them was that they weren’t white.

“Black?” Three-Arms asked. “That color absorbs the most sunlight. It might be bothersome to wear outside.”

“I don’t mind it.” I smiled. “I like being warm.”

I’d rather burn alive than ever feel the coldness ever again.

“It’s normal fabric, too, though.” One-Eye advised. “Do you think you should look for something more like metal? It might protect you better, just in case.”

“My skin isn’t like normal human skin, I thought I mentioned.” I said, holding the clothes close to me.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“If you like it, then you can go ahead and get it. We’ll pay for it.” Three-Arms reassured.

“Oh? You don’t have to.”

“We want to.” One-Eye smiled.

I changed into the clothes as soon as I could. It felt amazing to not have to wear a white gown anymore. To be free, and properly covered.

Three-Arms and One-Eye help me set up a place to live in. Most everyone in Haven lived in a tent-like home. I didn’t mind it. I’d spend most of my time outside either way. They reminded me that I could always stay with them if I wanted to, and I thanked them.

When evening started to fall, I began to feel anxious. It was like my body remembered the night my life was stolen from me.

I found a bunch of old, rotten, unused pieces of wood. And a match.

I started a fire outside of town. And put the white gown in it.

It gave me some peace. To watch it burn.

I wanted to watch something else burn.

Someone else.

Night came, and the stars were much more beautiful from ground level.


	18. Haunted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The body keeps the score  
> (active content warnings for nightmares and descriptions of injuries, torture, eye trauma, and surgery)

I waited for the fire to die.

The wind scattered the ashes.

I went to my tent. It meant so much.

There wasn’t a lot in it, but Three-Arms and One-Eye helped me get a bed together. It was a lot more comfortable than the ground.

I knew I didn’t have to sleep, but I wanted to try.

I went out pretty easily. It helped that I was in a place where I felt safe.

I don’t remember what dream I had that night.

It’s possible I didn’t even remember the dream I had.

Either way, there were a lot of nights where I woke up screaming.

I had a lot of night terrors. I never ran out of them.

Whether I remembered them or not.

Sometimes, I woke up to feel my scars throbbing.

Sometimes it felt like they had opened back up.

Sometimes I could feel my eyes being scooped out.

The numb, digging feeling.

Sometimes I could feel burning on my face.

Bleach.

Sometimes it felt like there were scalpels inside me.

Sometimes it felt like there were hands inside me.

Sometimes, I woke up choking on my own tears.

Either way, the first night I tried to sleep in Haven, I woke up screaming.

Three-Arms and One-Eye were the first ones there.

All I could tell them was that I wasn’t in actual danger. I couldn’t explain it to them. They understood.

I thought I saw another robot in the entranceway. One with a round head. They wore a robe; I never saw robots wearing fabrics in Haven before then.

I wanted to ask who they were, but I couldn’t get the words out.

They left as soon as I noticed them.

And Three-Arms and One-Eye, they held me until the sun rose.


	19. Bitterbot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she never spoke

I tried not to focus on the night I had too much the next day.

Three-Arms and One-Eye insisted I stay with them for a while, though. It wouldn’t change anything. But it was nice to be surrounded by others who cared about me.

I stayed there for a few days regardless.

Either way, I wanted to ask them about the robot I saw that night.

“Hey, Three-Arms?” She was closest. I think One-Eye had gone outside for something.

“Yes?”

“I saw a robot last night that I don’t think I’ve met yet. I think they had a cape on or something?”

“Oh!” She turned around quickly. “That was Bitterbot! We took her in, she’s like our daughter now. You should meet her! I’ll go find her.”

She always moved a million miles a minute when she got excited. I smiled and nodded as she zoomed out of the room.

A few minutes later, she came back dragging Bitterbot by the shoulder.

“Introduce yourself, Bitterbot!” Three-Arms insisted.

“Hi!” I waved to her. “I’m Radon. It’s nice to meet you!”

She stared at me. I felt that vibrating under my skin again. Considering everything, I assumed it was anxiety. It wouldn’t be the first time anxiety made my skin vibrate.

Bitterbot turned, breaking Three-Arm’s grasp, and left the room at a brisk pace.

“Aw, Bitterbot,” Three-Arms sighed. “Well, I guess that’s where she got her name from, after all.”

“That’s okay. I probably woke her up last night anyway.”


	20. The Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catharsis :)

I’d started settling into Haven pretty well, all things considered. I’d help out around town, bring boxes from place to place, help others set things up, get new pieces and parts from around Scrapyard for those who needed them.

Picking through the metal piles took a lot of getting used to, and finding a stray hand or head of a robot always made me queasy, but I managed. I always managed.

The biggest job I did was taking out the metal xenoroids who were always patrolling Scrapyard. They were really dangerous. A lot of things in Haven ended up destroyed because of them before I got a good handle on things.

They were also just .. scary, as a whole. They never killed robots to kill them. It was never intentional. But they did always try to capture robots. I heard stories about a few getting dragged off somewhere by them before I got there.

Nobody knew what happened to them once they were taken. Some guessed they were destroyed, since that was Scrapyard’s original purpose before a lucky few were able to evade the roach’s clutches and establish a town. Others thought they’d be programmed and used as attack bots. Considering who was behind it all, I wouldn’t doubt any of the theories too heavily.

It made it harder to sleep at night. It gave me another thing to worry about.

It made me work harder too, though, I guess. It was like I was a shark; they have to always be moving, or they die (I mean, from what I knew about sharks, anyway). If I had things to do at all times, it was harder for me to feel the pressures of my traumas laying on me. On slow days, I’d start to dissociate. Everyone got worried because it would always be obvious that something was off.

I hated that feeling of numbness. I could never decide whether that or the flashbacks were worse.

One day, I was coming back from the outskirts of Scrapyard. I’d taken out plenty of metal xenoroids, and had scrap pieces to give to the shop keepers. The sky was fading from burnt pink to orange. It was a beautiful evening.

“Hey, Radon!” One-Eye waved to me from the center of Haven. I yelled back and tried to wave, but my hands were full.

“We gotta get you a better bag.” He laughed, then came and helped me carry my stuff back into town. I thanked him for the hand.

“I wanted to show you something.” He told me while helping me organize all the materials I brought back.

“What is it?”

“You’ll see.” He winked, or tried to. “It’ll probably be a little stressful at first, but I think you’ll like it.”

He brought me back out to the center of town. There was a crowd around.. something.

We made our way through the crowd, and I saw it. A box with the black wing’s logo on it.

“What’s this about?” I asked.

“You know the logo. We all do.” One-Eye started. “Whenever we find one of these boxes, we break them apart. Don’t even keep anything from ‘em.”

“Ah,” I nodded.

“I thought I’d give you the honor tonight. Ya know, as a good ol’ fashioned ‘screw you’ to the guy who ruined your life.”

“Thank you.” I smiled. I could feel a glow behind my eyes.

“Of course.”

I pulled out my knives, and stabbed the box as hard as I could. I hooked it and tore it open. I stabbed it and ripped it like it was the roach’s dying body. Slowly bleeding out. I wished I still had my hooked dual blades.

The box was full of black wings uniforms. When I was done, it was all broken pieces of wood and fabric shredded to ribbons.

“So, what’d you think?” One-Eye wore a proud smile.

“That was great.” I said. “Can I burn it?”

“Of course, my favorite little arsonist, just take it outside of town.” He laughed, reaching up to ruffle my hair.


	21. Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i still miss you

When I first came to Haven, I’d wake up screaming every night I tried to sleep. It went on for a while. It still happens sometimes. Some are memories, some are eldritch. I’ve been left with so many nightmares I wouldn’t run out even if I lived for a thousand years.

But last night, I had my first dream. A dream that wasn’t a nightmare. It was about you.

It was the middle of the night, the sky was clear and all the stars were shining at their brightest. I had just finished climbing to the top of the highest crane in Haven to get a better view. When I looked toward the front of the crane, I saw your back.

You were sitting down, staring up at the sky. Still wearing the black and cyan atomic suit you had. I walked to you slowly. When I got to you I stood for a while, staring. You glanced up at me and smiled the way you used to. I sat down next to you, and you looked back up at the sky.

I looked up at the sky too. It was breathtaking. The stars were so much brighter, the colors were so much more vivid. It wasn’t obscured by cloudy glass. It looked like the painting an artist saw in their mind’s eye when creating. But the look in your expression was so much more beautiful.

I looked back at your face as you stared at the sky. Your eyes were shining, your mouth was gently curled. I felt like I could see the entire night sky reflected in your smile. Your body wasn’t stiff. Your face wasn’t tense. You were relaxed, and you were at peace. I could see the joy in your face, and it wasn’t overshadowed by anxiety the way it always used to be. We were free. You were free.

Even though there were so many things I wanted to say to you, I didn’t say a word. I knew how much the stars meant to you. I knew it was always your dream to be able to look into the night sky without a pane of glass between it and you. I would never take even a minute of that away from you.

I hope you’re okay, Xenon.

I love you.


	22. Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> c:

I woke up to feel the sun on my face. It came in through a crack in the entrance of my tent.

When I got up, I left to find Three-Arms and One-Eye. They always knew jobs I could do. It was also nice to spend time with them when there was nothing to do, of course. They told me things I never knew about the world. They were like parents.

“‘Morning Radon!” One-Eye waved when I came out. It was really closer to noon, and I was thankful they let me sleep.

“How did you sleep?” Three-Arms smiled. They were both excited to see me before hearing me.

“‘Morning! I slept good!”

“We’re glad to hear that!” One-Eye beamed. “Can you come help me with something?”

“Sure!” I followed him over to his work station. We were going to be sorting bits of metal to deliver later. We usually talked while we worked on smaller things like this, so I decided to tell him about some of the things that were on my mind.

“One-Eye, have you ever seen any other xenoroids? Not like the metal ones, but ones like me?”

“Can’t say I have.” He shrugged. “If I knew, I wouldn’t have assumed the metal ones were regular xenoroids.”

“That makes sense.” I nodded, setting a rusty spring in a box. “There were more of us. You might’ve seen one without realizing maybe?”

“It’s possible.” He thought out loud, then laughed gently. “Now you’re making me reconsider all the people I met who I thought were humans.”

I laughed a little, but it was mostly out of nerves.

“There’s one person I remember that I can’t stop thinking about,” I said. “Ever since I woke up, he’s been the only thing on my mind.”

“Oh?” One-Eye looked up. “Tell me about him.”

“Well,” I started to fidget with the chunk of sheet metal I was holding. “He has short, dark hair, and his eyes are like mine, but they’re blue.”

“I’ll tell you if I see him.” One-Eye smiled. “What’s he like?”

“Thank you,” I took a deep breath. “He’s really kind. He was always there for me when I was hurt, and he was just nice to be around in general. When he smiled, he just lit up the room, you know? And he had such a calming voice. We spent every day together, and he always laughed at my jokes, even when they weren’t that great.”

“You know what they say about people who laugh at your bad jokes.” One-Eye laughed.

“What do they say?” I smiled. I didn’t know.

“Ah, I forgot, you don’t know that many phrases,” One-Eye looked around. “Were you two together?”

“Well, I mean yeah, we were in the same facility together.” I tilted my head. “What does ‘together’ mean?”

“My boy,” He started. “I mean in a relationship, like Three-Arms and I.”

“Oh! Yeah, I hope so.” I smiled, holding the metal close to my chest. “We would kiss and stuff. And his hands were always nice to hold.”

“That’s really sweet.” One-Eye smiled. “I hope you find him soon.”

“I hope so too.” I said. “He was named Xenon, by the way.”

“I’ll remember that.”


	23. Suit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something old

As time went on, I was able to talk about more of my past with Three-Arms and One-Eye. I could never tell them everything in one sitting. The big things never got much easier, but I always had more smaller details to tell them about.

They knew I hated the color white. After a while though, I told them about the atomic suit I had. I never told them all of my conflicting feelings about it, but they knew I didn’t hate it.

“Hey, Radon?” Three-Arms came to find me one day while I was delivering a box of metal.

“Yeah?”

“Someone found something, do you want to come check it out with me?”

“Uh, sure.” I didn’t know what kind of ‘something’ it was. She brought me over to the booth of a shop owner who also picked through the piles in Scrapyard.

“Here he is!” She announced to him.

“Oh, nice to meet you!” He shook my hand. “I found something you might find familiar!”

“‘Familiar’?” I asked.

“You see, I found this a LONG time ago, and I wasn’t comfortable selling it since I’ve never found anything like it before or since.” He explained, digging under his table. A few seconds later, he let out an ‘aha!’ and pulled out something.

He set it on the table. Its base color was black, but it had dark, dull grey accent metal on it. It also had unlit orange lights all throughout it. On the table in front of me—beaten up, but still wearable—was all the pieces of my old atomic suit.

“I never knew what it was until Three-Arms started asking if I’d ever found anything like it before!” He exclaimed. “It doesn’t fit robots, either, it was designed to fit a human. And you’re the only human here so far, really.”

I smiled. It did feel good to be called a human.

“Whether it was yours or not, you can go ahead and have it if you want it.”

I looked back at the pile and thought about everything. I didn’t hate my suit. It was really my favorite thing to wear out of my few options in the caves. When I was wearing it, I never got cut open. Not in battle. Not in surgery. It was good armor, and wearing it meant I wasn’t being experimented on.

I did hate where it came from, though. I hate who thought of it. And I hated how stiff it was designed to be. Now, though, I could probably readjust it. Change it. Make it mine, maybe. 

Maybe Xenon would recognize it if I ran into him again. The shopkeeper did say he’d never seen anything like it before. And we wore our atomic suits together a lot. We slept in them together every night.

And, how could I forget, my dual blades. My original dual blades were in there.

They were curved, with sharp teeth on the inner blade. They would’ve been a lot stronger than the knives I was using at the time. I could protect Haven better with those. And, if I ever was to get my revenge, hooked, sharp-toothed blades would inflict the most painful wounds.

If the roach wanted to see a weapon, I was going to show him a fucking weapon.

“It is mine, thank you.” I smiled at the shopkeeper. “I do want to keep it.”


	24. Smart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i love my dad :)

When I found the time, I sat down with my old atomic suit and some extra tools One-Eye had lying around.

I cleaned it off and tried it on. It was stiffer than I remember, but then again I wasn’t exactly wearing anything similar everyday anymore. I had to mark up the spots that needed work. It’s hard to find something that writes on metal, but after trying chalk and ink, graphite eventually took.

Most of the stiff spots were the areas with lights on them. I used a pick to break off the glass. They wouldn’t glow as bright anymore, but that’s no big loss. I think I even cracked some of the other lights just so I’d be less visible in the dark. It was definitely a hindrance in the caves.

The worst issue was in the knees. They were always really stiff. The roach wanted to keep me from running. After fixing up one leg, I tried on the suit again to see how it worked. The difference was huge.

“Hey!” One-Eye announced from behind me. The sudden sound made me jump. “What’re you working on?”

“I have to readjust my old suit.” I explained. “It’s really solid, but it’s kind of a pain.”

“It looks good so far! What’s wrong with it?”

“Well, it was kind of maliciously designed,” I started. “I mean, look at this! This is the part of the suit I just got done working on,” I fully extended and fully bent my left knee. “And this is how the suit was originally.” I couldn’t fully bend the knee on my right leg, or even fully extend it. “It’s complete horse!”

“Uh, do you mean ‘complete bull’?”

“I thought you said they were interchangeable.”

“Only when you use the full words.” One-Eye laughed. “But really, though, that is pretty bad. You did a great job adjusting it.”

“Thank you, I’m glad it’s been working out so far.”

“I mean, if I knew you were working on this, then I would’ve known you’d get the hang of it.” He reassured me. “You’re hard working and smart.”

“I’m not smart. I’m really stupid.”

The words came out without thinking. I didn’t feel sad. I didn’t feel any kind of bad. I didn’t want to make him feel bad for me. I don’t know why I said that.

“Radon, my boy,” One-Eye said, setting a hand on my shoulder. “It’s not your fault that you don’t know a lot of things about the world. You’re learning everything really well!

I looked up at him, but I was still trying to figure out where in me that came from.

I think I was afraid of being smart.

“And, it’s not a bad thing to be smart, really.” He continued after looking at me. “I mean, you have a good head on your shoulders. You’re clever. That’s never a bad thing. You’re not the kind of person that would ever use that against someone else. It just helps you get through things, you know?”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” I nodded.

“I’m glad I was able to explain that.” He smiled. “I’m excited to see your suit when you’re done.”

“Thank you.” I smiled back. “I do have a question, though. Do you have anything that can help take out rust?”

“Of course, I’ll come show you it.”


	25. Unsurfaced

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trauma is a fucking pain

When I finished working on my suit, it was a lot easier to move around in. It was also a comfort to know most weapons couldn’t cut through it. Three-Arms said I did a great job fixing it up, and One-Eye was proud to see it finished.

I sat outside and finally pulled out my dual blades. They were still just as sharp as they were the day I was decommissioned. The suit must have kept them protected from the elements.

I still had to go out to Scrapyard and patrol for metal xenoroids. I guess that was the best time to find out how everything worked.

Once I got out there, things were rougher than I expected.

Functionally, the weapons were better. The suit was better. I didn’t get as cut up, and that helped a lot. And the blades held up against metal much better.

I just didn’t expect to feel the way I felt. It felt like I was training again. And the metal xenoroids already looked like my friends. I found myself holding back.

But when I closed my eyes, I did a lot better.

I guess that suit had a lot more memories attached to it than I realized. I’d have to work through them.

Working through memories was still new to me. I wasn’t good at it yet.

As evening fell and the Scrapyard cleared, I made my way back to Haven. Everything had gone well. Better. I just felt weird.

I was still getting used to acknowledging how much everything that happened to me had messed me up.

Right outside town, I stopped. Something was off.

There was a smaller robot running around and playing right at the edge of Haven. I’d seen him around before. I know robots don’t technically have age, but he was small like a child, and always acted like a child. He was a kid.

It was evening. The sky was turning purple. Where were his parents? He was out alone.

And, right out of view. I saw something. Crouched behind large sheets of metal. Something silver. A metal xenoroid. Watching him.

It jumped out at him.

He barely had time to scream.

I ran. My brain had froze and my consciousness felt like it was coming untethered from my body, but I had to move. I had to stop it.

I didn’t look at it in the eyes. But I cut its head off. And tore it up for good measure.

When I knew it couldn’t hurt him anymore, I went to him. He had curled up on the ground. I asked him if he was okay. He said he was, and he thanked me. I would relay the conversation we had, but my head was scrambled. I can’t recall it close enough to try.

I picked him up gently and carried him back into town. He told me where to find his parents, and I brought him to them. They’d been looking for him all evening. They held him and they all cried, and they all thanked me profusely. I was thankful too. He wasn’t taken.

I went to my tent, and all I could do was lay down. It felt like all the energy had been sucked out of me. And I cried. All I could do was cry.

I felt a lot of things. I was thankful the kid was safe. I was thankful I saved him. I was happy for him and his family. That he could still be with his loving family. But everything about that evening made me hurt.

That was the day I really remembered my past. The day my life was stolen from me. I knew about it; I could think about the memory before. I knew of its existence. I could look at it like a movie in my mind. From a distance. But what happened that evening harshly reminded me that what had happened to me that night all those years ago actually did happen to _me_.

And it was so painful to have to accept that.

And all I could do was cry. Because after that night, a million other things would happen to me. Things I still had to deal with. Memories that would never leave me. Memories that I couldn’t distance myself from the same way. Because there was no one there to save me.

I had to accept that I hadn’t been coping with any of those early memories.

I’d been bottling up everything. Ignoring it. Doing anything else I could do to not have to think about it. When I didn’t have things to do, I just shut down. Because that was better than having to think about it.

And now, it was all here.

I don’t think I slept. I think I just cried for the rest of the night.

When morning came, though, I did feel a little bit relieved. Because now, at least that was all over. I did still have to live with the memories, but I’d already lived through them. I could go out and find real ways to cope with them. Now, I could live my life.


	26. Empty Scrapyard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hm.

I left my room later that morning. I didn’t actually get a full sleep. I didn’t need it the way normal humans did. I did get a pretty decent nap, though, just to reset.

I went to say goodmorning to Three-Arms and One-Eye, and they both hugged me tight as soon as they saw me. Someone had told them about what happened last night. I hugged them back.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Three-Arms asked after they explained who and where they heard about it from.

“Well, you know, it was late, and I was really drained.” I didn’t want to worry them too much by telling them everything else yet.

“Are you okay?” One-Eye asked. “That sounds like a really scary thing to happen.”

“I mean, I’m feeling better today, but it did kind of take a toll on me last night.”

“I’m glad you were able to get some rest.” Three-Arms squeezed my shoulder gently. “You can take today off, if you have to.”

“Thank you for the offer. I think I’ll be okay, though.”

“Do you want us to ask for someone to go with you when you go out to Scrapyard from now on?” One-Eye asked.

“No way, I’ll be okay. I don’t want to risk anyone else’s safety.”

After some reassuring, I started doing the normal things I did in the day. Sorting through metal, bringing deliveries from place to place, the usual. When things started to slow down, I felt okay. Not amazing, but I didn’t feel empty. It was a good sign.

When the time came for me to patrol Scrapyard, I wasn’t afraid. It would be just as uncomfortable as it usually was, but the metal xenoroids always made me more angry than anxious. When I left though, I was met with something more foreboding.

Nothing at all.

I couldn’t find a single metal xenoroid in Scrapyard.

I looked around, too. If anything, that night had taught me that they knew how to hide. They knew at least a semblance of strategy. So I combed through Scrapyard. I couldn’t find a single one.

I came back to Haven visibly confused, and explained what happened to everyone.

“That’s weird,” One-Eye started. “Not even one?”

“Not even one.”

“You didn’t black out or anything, did you? You didn’t get hit really hard?” Three-Arms was worried.

“Nope, I don’t have any cuts, bruises, or anything else. My suit’s not even scuffed.” I explained. “Has anything like this ever happened before?”

“No.” One-Eye shook his head. “Not even before you got here.”

“Weird, I’ll try to keep watch out there.”

Nothing else about that day was that different from any other day.


	27. Travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Curiosity about the world outside Haven

For the next few days, nothing changed. Scrapyard was still empty every day. I didn’t even find pieces of metal xenoroids. It was like the new normal.

Some of the residents in Haven didn’t seem to take much notice. Others were tense. There was a fear that the metal xenoroids would come back all at once, causing serious damage and putting everyone in danger.

I just kept doing what I could. Of the two attitudes everyone had toward the change, I held the latter. With everything calm, it would have been a good time to leave. I did always want to explore outside Haven, but I was afraid that something would go wrong. I didn’t want to think about what it would be like for something to happen without me there to help.

Three-Arms and One-Eye knew, though, that I wanted to see the rest of the world. It seemed like every human in Maple World was an explorer, and I thought it must’ve been a great life to live. I was also curious to see my home town of Edelstein, to start small. They also knew that I wanted to leave to look for Xenon.

It was a tempting thought, but now wasn’t the time. I’d feel comfortable leaving once I knew the roach was dead. Then there would be no one left to threaten Haven and everyone in it.

Three-Arms and One-Eye felt a little differently, though. We all sat down to talk one day. They didn’t need to eat, but they had bought me food. I didn’t need to eat either, but I liked to. I was always weird about food. Probably from being starved all my life as a child.

“Since everything’s been so calm lately,” Three-Arms started, “we were thinking that you might want to try seeing the world outside Haven, and we just wanted to let you know that we wouldn’t mind if you did. Our home will still be open to you when you come back if you decide to go for a while.”

“Oh?” I was surprised, I thought they’d be more worried. “Thank you, genuinely, but I think it would be irresponsible for me to leave right now. I’m scared of something happening while I’m away.”

“We understand that that’s a risk,” One-Eye responded, “but we also understand that you’ve been wanting to see the world for a while now, and you’ve been wanting to look for Xenon. We’ve been taking precautions here in case anything happens, you shouldn’t have to be our sole protector.”

“I know,” I nodded, “but I care about you all. I know it really wouldn’t be my fault, but I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if anything happened to any of you.”

“We’ll be okay, Radon.” Three-Arms reassured, laying a hand on mine. “We’ve been rebuilding our old barricades for the past few days.”

“I guess that’s true,” I took a minute to think. “I am curious to see Edelstein. Maybe I’ll just go check it out for a day, and then come back, just in case.”

“If that’s what you’re comfortable with, then we support you.” One-Eye nodded.


	28. Edelstein

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> unexpected  
> (active content warning for descriptions of a trauma flashback)

I didn’t sleep at all the night before I planned to go to Edelstein. I spent the whole night on the tallest crane in Haven, watching Scrapyard and the barricade. The barricade did look a lot more solid and reliable, at least. Helping gather materials for it had become one of my biggest jobs in the previous days.

Nothing happened that night. Nothing seemed off in the ground or sky.

When morning approached, I climbed down from the crane. I didn’t expect them to be up so early, but I ran into Three-Arms and One-Eye.

“Radon? What were you doing on the crane at this time of morning?” Three-Arms asked.

“I was worried, so I spent all of last night watching Scrapyard for anything unusual.” I admitted.

“You didn’t have to do that.” One-Eye shook his head. “Are you going to get some sleep before leaving?”

“I mean, I didn’t plan to. Maybe I’ll take a nap. I’m really excited to go, though, so that might not be easy.”

“Don’t you need sleep?” Three-Arms asked.

“Not necessarily as a xenoroid, no. I’ll be fine. I promise.”

They helped me get my bag together. I decided not to wear my suit, but I’d bring it just in case. When I was ready to head out, we all hugged.

“Stay safe out there, Radon.” One-Eye said, patting my back.

“Be careful, come back earlier if you need to.” Three-Arms added.

“I will, I’ll be back soon. I love you guys.” I said the last part without thinking. They were like parents to me, but I froze, worried I might’ve crossed a line or made them uncomfortable. They stood for a minute, then both relaxed.

“We love you, too.”

The path out of Scrapyard was eerily empty. There were no metal xenoroids or anything else I had to defend against, even though I was walking down a path I’d always patrolled less in the past.

There was a train to Edelstein, but I decided not to take it. I had earned money back in Haven, but the black wings still existed. The roach was still alive. I had to lay low, or else I could be in serious danger.

Instead, I walked on and along the tracks. It wasn’t that long of a journey, and I was used to long walks. I passed a lot of sights that I’d never seen before, and sights I’d only seen pieces of. There was more desert than there was in Scrapyard, and rocky hills.

Before I even got into town, I started to see black wings flags. They filled me with fear. I kept going regardless. I had to see the town I was born in. Even if I couldn’t stay long. Even if it was a stupid decision.

I started to see grass right outside of town. The sight of plants was something I hadn’t seen in a long time, and I felt myself glow with joy. Plants weren’t a common sight in the dry dirt and sand back in Scrapyard. And the grass here was so green and full, and it looked soft. I would’ve laid in it if I felt safe to.

The happiness faded when I looked up. There were black wings flags inside the town too.

When I got to the town center, it wasn’t exactly what I imagined. Or expected. Or remembered? There weren’t that many people out. No one was really talking, or doing much of anything for that matter. I guess if I lived in a town occupied by the black wings, I’d also be a recluse.

I saw a blonde woman in a black wings uniform and froze. I didn’t realize there’d be actual guards there. Luckily she just glared at me and rolled her eyes before looking away again. But geez.

I was already shaking, but I kept walking through town. It all felt so familiar, but deeply wrong. Like a subtle nightmare.

“Hey, are you okay?”

A police woman with orange hair asked me when I got closer. The black and gold on her uniform made me take a step back, but it wasn’t a black wings uniform. Regardless of who she was, I couldn’t trust anyone in the town. There was no way for me to find out who was, supported, or actively opposed the black wings without risking both of our safety.

“I am, thank you.” I said quickly, looking down. She didn’t push me for more.

A few steps ahead, I ran into a woman in a white coat. I immediately heard the ringing in my ears, and had to actively talk myself down. One-Eye told me that doctors wear white coats. It’s really normal and really common. Doctors help people.

She also asked if I needed help, but her voice sounded far away. I told her I was fine. I caught a glance of her face, and she had a sad look in her eyes. But she didn’t push me for more.

I kept walking. I walked through a path that felt familiar. My feet moved on their own, like they remembered.

It was a path to a mini park. It was empty. There was thick grass and sparse trees and stone walkways to play on. A few butterflies flew through the air. It would’ve been peaceful. If not for what happened there.

It was noon that day. Luckily. But when my eyes blurred I saw the dark evening sky the way it was that night. I felt the hands on my shoulders. On my neck. In other places. I heard the screaming. The laughing. I felt the swaying of the vehicle I was taken in.

I backed away quickly, shaking like a leaf and fighting hard to not burst into tears.

Back in town, I started to leave. On the path, though, I saw a man who was a kindergarten teacher. He was letting his kids back into the school building. I knew I would’ve been able to trust him had he been there that night. It was his job to protect kids. Black wings or not, he would’ve protected me.

I looked at him. I didn’t think. I stood there with the memories ripping me apart like I was still there.

“Please help me.”

The words escaped my lips as a near-silent whisper.

“Huh? Are you alright?” He looked up.

“I’m sorry. I’m okay.”

I walked away quickly. I wasn’t a kid anymore. What had happened to me was already done.

I walked all the way back to Haven. Once I couldn’t see the black wings flags anymore, I let myself cry. I tried to get most of it out before I got back into town.

Three-Arms and One-Eye ran to me as I stepped back into town. Despite my best efforts, I was still shaking and crying.

“Radon! Are you okay? What happened?” Three-Arms asked. I fell to the ground out of mental and physical exhaustion, and she held me.

“I’m okay, I’m not hurt.” I told them. “But there were black wings flags everywhere. I was too scared to talk to anyone.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, that sounds awful.” One-Eye consoled, setting a hand in my hair. “You’re safe here.”

“I know, but I’m scared. I’m scared for Xenon.” I sobbed harder. “I didn’t realize the black wings were that active. He could be in danger.”

“You didn’t see him, right?” Three-Arms asked. I shook my head.

“I didn’t.”

“That should be a good thing, then.” One-Eye added. “If you didn’t see him, that’s a good sign that he’s well hidden and safe.”

“Thank you, I hope you’re right.” They sat and talked with me until the tears stopped coming.


	29. Shadowed Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it begins

When I stopped crying, I slept. I didn’t have the energy to do anything else. Three-Arms and One-Eye let me sleep in one of their beds.

I had nightmares again, but this one wasn’t as severe as the others. I only woke up breathing ruggedly instead of screaming. It made me feel so cold despite all the blankets. Not a coldness in my skin. But deep in my bones.

I went outside and realized I’d been sleeping for hours. I fell asleep in the early afternoon, and now it was early the next morning. The sky was still dark, but the color was changing quickly. No one else was even up yet.

Since there was nothing else for me to do, I decided to climb back up that crane again. I wanted to see the stars before the sun rose. That was always calming, and gave me hope. Sometimes I’d sit up there watching the stars and talk aloud. I’d say the things I wanted to say to Xenon, and hope he might somehow know. That maybe he’d be looking at the stars too from somewhere.

I watched the sky lighten from deep indigo to pink-orange to faded cyan. I never minded the time it took. As daylight came, I stood up and stretched. Everyone would be getting up soon. I looked down to see them, but something had changed. Something was off.

The lighting. Usually the sun would cast a wide brightness across Scrapyard at this time of morning. It wasn’t the brightest, but it was enough to light up Haven. But today, a warped shadow fell across the town and the crane. Something was in front of the sun.

I looked up. High in the sky was something. A skyboat. But not one of the normal ones that would come through. It didn’t even look like the ones from other continents. It was larger. Darker.

I knew.

I climbed down from the crane as fast as I could. I didn’t know what that thing was capable of doing. There could be a high powered magnet on it as far as I knew. I didn’t know how much of me was metal, but it could’ve taken me. Again. As far as I could guess.

Three-Arms and One-Eye were stepping out of their tent as soon as I got to the ground, and I immediately ran to them and told them what was going on. I pointed to it up in the sky to show them. We could all see it from the ground. It was huge.

Soon, others started to come out. We all watched. We all knew.

I spotted something on the other side of the sky, though. A smaller boat. Almost like a normal skyboat.

“What’s that one?” I asked. They had to see it. They must’ve known it would’ve been dangerous to get so close, whether they knew who was behind it or not.

“Those might be the heroes.” One-Eye said.

“‘Heroes’?” I asked.

“Yes, there are heroes in this world. I don’t know a lot about them, but I sure hope those are some of them.”

I looked back up at the sky. Their boat was so tiny compared to the other one. I hoped they could take it down regardless.

“What about Scrapyard?” Someone in the crowd asked. “Do you think the xenoroids will be coming back now?”

“Oh fuck. They might.”

I changed into my suit and ran out the path in the barricade.


	30. He

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !!!

Their call was right. When I got out to Scrapyard, I ran into more hostile enemies than I’d ever seen. Luckily I got out early enough to where they were all still fairly far away from Haven.

The thing that scared me was that there weren’t as many metal xenoroids as I expected to find. Instead, there were normal robots. Robots that looked like the robots back in Haven. Robots that the metal xenoroids had successfully kidnapped from Haven.

There were so many of them.

How easy was it to get taken before I got here?

It wasn’t my fault, but it made me feel guilty. When I closed my eyes, though, I only felt angry. More than angry. Enraged.

I couldn’t take them all down, but I spent most of the day cutting them down enough to where the defenses in Haven could hold them back.

But they started to move differently. They started to move back. Away from Haven.

I didn’t get it, but it was foreboding.

I started to make my way back to Haven either way. I had to warn everyone what was going on, and tell them what to expect.

Right outside Haven, everything stopped.

I saw Three-Arms and One-Eye talking to someone. Another human. With short black hair and blue eyes that looked like mine.

I tried to walk, but I broke out into a run.

“Xenon!”

Our eyes met. He looked lost, but there was a glow in his eyes.

I ran to him and hugged him tight. He hugged me back, holding me tighter. I knew I shouldn’t get my hopes up. I knew the body remembered things differently than the mind. But I still kind of did get my hopes up regardless.

“Xenon? Who is this?”

When our grip loosened, I looked down. There was a little pink and white cybernetic being who had asked. His eyebrows furrowed in thought as he pondered her question.

“I’m sorry.” He finally looked back up at me. There was a twinge of something like shame in his voice. “You do feel familiar to me, but I don’t think I remember you from anywhere.”

“That’s okay.” I didn’t expect him to remember me, and I didn’t want him to think for a second that he was to blame, so I was able to grit my teeth enough to not cry. But it did still _really_ sting. “I’m just glad you’re safe. I’m Radon.” I looked back down to the other. “And, it’s nice to meet you. I don’t think I’ve ever met you before.”

“Her name’s Roo-d.” Xenon told me. “And, you knew my name. Where did we meet?”

“His suit looks a lot like yours, Xenon.” Roo-d pointed out to him.

“Ah,” he muttered, looking down at my atomic suit.

“You can ask him more about it later.” Roo-d said. “For now, we need to get back on the Black Heaven.”

“‘Black Heaven’? Is that what it’s called?” I asked.

“Yeah, she’s right.” Xenon answered, slowly letting go of me. “We have to leave, I’m sorry.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“Huh?” He stopped.

“I’ll help you take it down.”

“Come on then!” Roo-d called, already walking. “We have to start moving.”

I looked back at Three-Arms and One-Eye. They were terrified, but they knew they couldn’t stop me.

“Watch the barricades for robots that look more familiar than usual.” I told them. “I’ll come back. I love you both.”

I left Haven with Roo-d, and with Xenon.


	31. Onboard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stressful !

I found out where the robots were retreating to. A giant device was transporting them back onto the Black Heaven.

“Do we just get on that thing?”

“Yes. We have to wear a disguise, though.” Xenon pulled out a large square robot head. I jumped back.

“It has a chip in it that they need to read.” He explained. “The bottom is cut out, so we should both be able to hide in it.”

“Oh my god, you guys are really doing this,” Roo-d sighed.

“It’s the only thing we can do, really.” Xenon shrugged. “Just stand close behind me. We’ll be able to take it back off again when we need to move.”

“Okay.” The entire situation gave me a lot of feelings. Roo-d just ended up hiding in Xenon’s bag.

It worked on the device. It was kind of terrifying to feel the ground moving us so far up, and so fast, but at least we were together. He reached back and grabbed my hand at one point. I kept my other hand clung to his shoulder.

Soon we were on the Black Heaven.

We ended up on a conveyor belt. Black wings guards were examining the robots coming onboard. There were two.

“Hey, what’s wrong with this one?” One asked.

“It’s got a few too many arms, and a few too many legs.” The other answered.

Xenon and I tensed up. Roo-d was probably rethinking her decision to let me come with them.

“Should we tell anyone?”

“Nah, it’ll probably be fine.”

“Alright then.”

We were moved along, and both relaxed.

“When do we get off?” I whispered once we were far away.

“I’ll tell you when.”

We went silent again, and I tried to stay calm. Xenon’s hair was still as soft as it had been before, but now it had a texture that was slightly less smooth. I’d noticed earlier that now he had blue marks on his face. I didn’t want to wonder what else had changed.

“Now.” He said, pulling off the robot head.

When he did, all the robots turned toward us with raised weapons.

Xenon pulled out a sword. It was a lot like the one he had back then. Roo-d jumped out of his bag to help, too. She’d brought more and bigger weapons than I thought was possible to fit into a bag. It made getting through the waves of enemies a lot easier than it was back in Scrapyard.

They were coming in from all sides, and it made it hard for me to just split up from them. Whenever one of them got too close to Xenon, I had to go take it out. I ended up taking a few hits, but I was okay. It was worth it.

When they stopped coming, I thought I heard Roo-d whisper something to Xenon.

“I think he was trying to protect you.”


	32. Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catching up

We had to move through the ship. There wasn’t a lot else for us to fight for a while, so we talked.

“What do we have to do to take it down?” I asked.

“We have to find *******’s office before we can do anything.” Xenon said. “No one’s been able to figure out how this ship has so much power.”

I hadn’t heard the roach’s name in so long. It made me feel sick.

“I hoped he’d be dead by now,” I said.

“Did he kidnap you as a child too?”

“He did,” I started. “I met you that day. We were both taken on the same day.”

“Oh,” he stopped walking. “Do you remember what my name was? The name my parents gave me?”

“I don’t. I’m sorry.” I shook my head. “I haven’t remembered mine yet either.”

He nodded, and we started walking again.

“What was it like for us to grow up in that place?” He asked. “I don’t remember most of it.”

“It was awful,” I said, looking down at the ground. “I have nightmares almost every night because of it. I get flashbacks all the time. There are parts of my own body I can’t even touch without feeling everything all over again.”

“Oh.”

“I’m thankful to hear that you don’t remember most of it, really.”

“I guess that’s a reasonable way to look at it.” He nodded. “I don’t know, though. I just feel like I should remember at least some of it.”

“You might eventually. New memories come to me all the time.” I held my hand to his. He took it. “I’ll do my best to be there for you when that happens. I know it can be hard to go through alone.”

“Thank you, that’s really kind of you.” He looked up at me, showing the semblance of a smile despite everything. “Were we close back then?”

“Yeah, we were really close,” I said, looking down.

“Were we friends?”

“Yeah, we were.. A pretty close type of friend to one another.” He squeezed my hand gently. It made me feel nervous, but now wasn’t the time.

“This might be what we’re looking for, guys.” Roo-d announced to us. She’d been leading. We stood in front of large, unnerving doors.

When we opened the doors, it did lead to an office. With a big map on the wall. Folders and papers were everywhere. We each started to look through them. I tried to ignore the sinking feeling deep in me.

“Do you even know what he plans to do with this thing?” I asked.

“Not really, no.” Xenon shook his head. “I’m hoping we don’t have to find out.”

“I think that’s a good idea.” I nodded. “So, try to find papers talking about the power source?”

“Yeah. We can find him later.”


	33. He was more than just a battery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extra long title because this character gives Radon major survivor's guilt  
> (Please don't be too surprised if it's very canon-divergent)

“Radon, I think I found something.” Xenon said, picking up a paper.

“What is it?”

“I think it’s supposed to show where the battery is.”

“Well, where is it?”

“It’s marked as being.. here?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, looking around. “I don’t think I see anything battery-like.”

Right after I said that, the floor started to move under us. Like an elevator. It went slow at first, then fell faster. And faster. Xenon gripped my arm tight, and I held him.

It crashed us into a room. A room full of tubes and wires. It looked like the room I was decommissioned in.

The roach’s voice came over an intercom.

I couldn’t think. It already felt like I was going to black out.

It felt like I was back in the caves again. Trapped. Again.

“Radon!” Xenon snapped me out of it. “Whatever is powering this thing is in that main tube! I need you to help me cut these wires so that it can stop getting power.”

“Okay.” I nodded. Everything was reinforced, but I helped him cut through the pieces.

The roach was controlling whatever, or whoever, was in that tube. I couldn’t see them yet. But he made them attack us.

“Hey, over here!” I taunted them. When they charged their attack, I dodged. The only thing that got destroyed were the wires behind me.

“Not bad!” Roo-d called.

Soon, the glass began to crack. The doors started to open, and Xenon, Roo-d, and I moved to another room. Behind us, a person followed. The person who was in the tube.

“A person?” Xenon asked.

“Was he the battery?” Roo-d said.

“I’ve seen him before.” I remembered.

“What?” Xenon turned to me.

“I saw a lot of things.” I explained, pulling out my dual blades. “Either that was him, or someone who looked like him. His hair was still long, but not that long yet. He’s been here for a long time.”

He floated toward us with empty eyes.

“God,” Xenon started. “Did you know him? Can we snap him out of it?”

“I never spoke to him. I never even got close to him.” I shook my head. “I don’t want to kill him, but we need to do something.”

When he started to attack, we ran to dodge. Parts of the room started collapsing around us. We did fight back, but we didn’t want to.

There was another burst, and somehow we ended up back on the open deck. The sky was already turning orange. We kept fighting until he eventually hit the ground.

“Is it over?” Xenon asked, gripping my hand tight.

“I hope so.” I said, pulling him a few steps back.

He looked up at us slowly, sitting up. Smiling.

“Thank you.” He muttered.

We looked at one another, then back at him. We would’ve walked closer, but someone else came to join us.

“Lotus!!” A girl with long pigtails ran through the deck from seemingly out of nowhere, collapsing on the ground and holding him tight.

“How did she get here??” I asked. Xenon shrugged.

“You’re gonna be okay, Lotus. I’m so sorry.” She said as she held him. They talked more. He said things back to her. I just thought about how I knew his name. Lotus.

Lotus.

He had a name. A life. Others who loved him.

He was alive and he had a body and independence and sentience. Like any other human.

It was all stolen from him.

I wish I could’ve done more for him. He shouldn’t have had to go through all of that.

The roach didn’t let them have a happy ending.

We all watched Lotus die. He killed him. Shocked him.

“No! No!!” The girl screamed through tears. “I’ll find you!! I’ll fucking find you!!!”

We were horrified. Xenon and I looked at eachother. We knew what we had to do.

We went back into the Black Heaven. We were going to find him.


	34. Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes so long but goes so fast, like all things traumatic

We walked. I was terrified, but my rage overpowered my fear.

Lotus deserved better than this. I never knew him. But I knew that no one deserved what happened to him.

And the roach had a million other crimes to answer to. That was just one.

My only regret is not being able to kill him slowly.

We got to the room his voice was coming from, and Roo-d was somehow able to open it.

“You can’t fucking hide any longer!” I yelled.

“Radon! I thought I killed you.” The motherfucker said. I fought for consciousness despite the ringing. “And Xenon. The two lovebirds are back together, I see.”

“‘Lovebirds’??” Xenon asked. He looked at me, and I could tell he felt worse for not remembering.

I pulled out my dual blades and ran toward him. He called in metal xenoroids. They held me back.

Xenon called my name behind me, but before he could get close, metal xenoroids grabbed him too.

The roach started to talk. To explain his plan. To explain that neurotoxin I’d heard him talk about the day I escaped from the caves. And say that he had enough of it to torment everyone in the world.

He pulled out a can out of the poison and a gas mask, and the metal xenoroids tossed me out of the room. I got up and ran back toward the room, but the doors had shut tight in front of me. I heard coughing. And muffled laughing.

“You motherfucker!! I’ll fucking kill you!! I’ll fucking gut you slowly and make you swallow your own fucking heart!!” I screamed, pounding on the door.

Xenon was still in there.

That should’ve been me.

When the doors opened back up, the gas had already cleared. The metal xenoroids had let go of Xenon, and he had fallen to the floor. I ran to him and held him.

“I wanted him to watch you die, but this works too.” The roach cackled.

I would’ve got up to stab him, but he was already in an escape vessel.

“Oh, and one more thing.”

He called in more xenoroids. These ones weren’t metal.

They were regular xenoroids. Humans. Like Xenon and I.

They stared at us with empty eyes.

Xenon and I watched their eyes glow red. But they didn’t come toward us. They turned around slowly, and climbed onto the roach’s vehicle.

He started to panic as he left the black heaven. The xenoroids didn’t let go.

They did what I couldn’t do myself. They killed him. I watched him explode in the sky like a firework.

I watched him die in fear. In terror. It was satisfying to know he died in absolute terror. I watched the fire spread across the sky. And for a moment I could feel peace. For a moment I wondered if my trauma would leave me. If I wouldn’t have any more nightmares or flashbacks or anxiety attacks or dissociation anymore.

But the moment passed. And when I looked down, I saw the man I loved still going limp in my arms.

It wasn’t over.

“Fuck,” I held him tighter and stood up. “You’re gonna be okay, alright? We’re gonna get out of here.”

I grabbed his hand, and he gently squeezed mine.

I turned toward the door, and the girl from earlier ran in.

“Where’s… who are you?” She asked.

“Who are you?” I asked.

“Wait.. wait.” She stared at Xenon, then back at me. “God-FUCKING-Damn it!!!! Are you another one of those xenoroids??”

“Uh, yes,”

“FUCK!!! How many ‘side-projects’ was he working on?! The motherfucker!! I swear to God I will kill him with my own two fucking hands and a box of matches.”

“He’s already dead, thankfully.”

“You killed him without me?!”

“I would’ve loved to. The other xenoroids turned on him.”

“‘OTHER XENOROIDS’???!!?!” She screamed. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME???”

“I wish I was.”

“Wait.” She suddenly stopped, her anger subsiding. She pointed to Xenon. “What’s wrong with him?”

“He poisoned him. I need to get him out of here and find someone who can help.”

She stared for a minute, then came over and helped me hold Xenon upright. I wouldn’t have been able to walk without her. I was shaking too much.

“Follow me.”

She started to walk us out, and for a moment I was speechless.

“Thank you, thank you so much.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Everything was collapsing around us, but she walked without a care for any of it. I would’ve never been able to find my way through that place. It was as much of a maze as the caves, and it took me years to get used to those.

We ended up back on the deck. Evening was falling. The ship I saw earlier was hooked up to the black heaven.

“Get on there.” She pointed, letting go of Xenon and I.

“Aren’t you coming?”

“No, I have somewhere else to go. Don’t worry about me.” She started to walk away. “They’ll take care of you guys.”

“Thank you!” I called again before I couldn’t see her anymore, and rushed onto the boat.

Everyone rushed toward us. I heard some people asking who I was to one another. I wondered briefly if they could guess.

“Xenon!” A woman with a dark mask over her eyes ran up to us. “What happened?”

“He got poisoned. I don’t know what to do. Help him. Please.”

He started to feel heavier, and I lowered him to the ground and sat with him. The woman sat down with us. Roo-d sullenly crawled out of Xenon’s bag.

“Xenon?” She asked, pushing her face against his leg.

“I don’t think there’s anything that can be done,” The woman said.

“There has to be something!!” I held him tighter. I didn’t realize how much I’d been crying.

“I have a thought.” A woman with long blonde hair stepped out from the crowd around us. She turned and made a motion with her hand, prompting a long white dragon to step out of hiding.

“Shinsoo, help him.” She told them, gently stroking their head.

The dragon made their way over to us. They sat in front of Xenon, and a blue teardrop manifested before him. It floated down to him, and seemed to melt into him. I watched him.

After a few seconds, I felt him start to move again. He looked up slowly, and there was life in his eyes again.

“Xenon!” I hugged him tight. I turned toward Shinsoo while I held him. “Thank you so much, Shinsoo. Thank you.”

They seemed to nod before making their way back over to the woman who called them.

Xenon hugged me back once he realized what was going on. Roo-d climbed up his leg, so I picked her up and brought her into the hug too.

“Thank you so much for everything, Radon.” Xenon said once our hug loosened enough for us to look eachother in the eye.

“Of course. I love you.”

He looked at me for a minute, and then looked down.

“Sorry, I guess you still don’t remember?”

“I’m really sorry, I wish I could.”

“Wait.” I remembered. I held up my hands. Without having to ask, he put his hands in mine. I kissed his fingers gently, the way I did the night I was decommissioned. When I looked back up at him, he had tears in his eyes. He hugged me tight.

“Radon, I thought you were dead,”

“I’m sorry, Xenon.” I hugged him back. “I wish I could’ve told you I was alright.”

“No, it’s not your fault. I was just .. devastated. I’m so thankful you’re alive.” He swayed me the way he used to. “I love you so much.”

“I love you so much too. I’m so glad I found you.”


	35. Beryl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Closer than you knew

“Who are you?” The woman in the mask asked me.

When I looked up at her, I recognized her eyes from just a day earlier. She was the one in the white coat back in Edelstein.

“It’s okay.” She told me when she saw me pull back. “We’re on the same side.”

“He was kidnapped by the black wings as a child too.” Xenon spoke up for me. He turned and looked back at me. “I remember now. You held my hand in the truck.”

I nodded. I could feel myself trembling.

“And you…”

He closed his eyes tight and pulled me into another tight hug. He couldn’t say anything more about it.

“God,” I heard the woman mutter under her breath. “Were you on..?”

“I was in Scrapyard.” I sat up quickly. “I need to let Three-Arms and One-Eye know I’m okay. They’re probably terrified.”

“I’ll go back with you.” Xenon told me.

“You will?”

“Of course. I don’t think I’m needed anywhere else, and .. I just remembered you. I just remembered how much I .. missed you.” He said. “I don’t want to miss you again.”

We got off the ship over Haven. When we stepped into town, Three-Arms and One-Eye immediately stood up and ran to me. They had been waiting in the same spot I left from. They hugged me tight, and I hugged them back.

“Radon, we were so worried,” Three-Arms said.

“It’s okay. I said I’d come back.”

Once we all let go of eachother, I introduced them to Xenon.

“I’ve heard a lot of good things about you.” One-Eye smiled.

They didn’t ask too much about what happened on the black heaven. It was probably from a combination of not wanting to stress me out and being too scared to find out. Instead, they told me I should show Xenon around.

“How did you end up escaping?” Xenon asked me once we were alone.

“We were all taken out of suspension. The other xenoroids and I, I mean.” I started. “I think it was before the black heaven started being built. I overheard him talking about the neurotoxin. He wanted to test it on me first. So I hid in a shipment of scraps, and that’s how I got out.”

“Wow,” he gripped my hand tighter. “How many other xenoroids were there?”

“I have no idea. I can only remember a handful.” I shook my head. “How did you get out?”

“Claudine and the rest of the Resistance broke me out, thankfully. I don’t really remember how long ago it was. I don’t have anything to frame it off of.”

“Who’s Claudine?”

“Oh. I guess I forgot to tell you,” he started. “She was the one in the mask on Phantom’s ship.”

“Ohh. Who’s Phantom??”

“Sorry,” he laughed a little. “He’s the owner of that smaller ship we were on.”

“Ahh,” I nodded. “There’s a whole Resistance? Like in Edelstein?”

“Yeah! They fight against the black wings.”

“That’s awesome! I’m really glad to hear that.” I smiled. “I tried to visit Edelstein yesterday, actually, but all the flags scared me away. I saw a few people from there who were on the Phantom ship today, though. I feel relieved.”

“I’m sorry you were scared.” He looked at me. “I’ve found out there’s a lot of good people in the world.”

“I’m glad. I want to see more of it someday soon.” I smiled. But a thought hit me.

“Wait,” I said. “I know it probably doesn’t make a lot of sense for me to ask you, but, do you know what happened to Beryl? I mean, I didn’t see her when I first woke up, and I just realized we never saw her on the black heaven.”

“Uh,” he started. “I thought you would’ve met her by now,”

“Oh,” I looked down. “I am really glad we didn’t have to fight her, but now I’m worried. She was always one of his favorites. I thought she would’ve been fine. I know I annoyed her a lot, but I hope nothing happened to her. She probably hates me, but I miss her.”

When I looked up, I saw Bitterbot standing in a nearby alley.

“Oh! Hey Bitterbot!” I smiled and waved. “Have you met Bitterbot yet, Xenon? She doesn’t talk a lot, but she’s cool.”

“Radon,”

“You’re still just as stupid,” she finally spoke. She lifted off her head, and that’s when I realized she was Beryl.

“Huh?” I asked. “How long have you been in Scrapyard for?”

“A while. At least a month longer than you.”

“What made you escape?” I was kind of worried. Really worried. Something really bad must have happened.

“I didn’t want to escape.”

“Oh. Okay,” I didn’t really understand, but I didn’t want to press her about it. “I’m glad to see you again. I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner.”

She looked away. Then put her disguise back on and left. I turned back to Xenon.

“I found out right before I got on the black heaven.” He said. “Right before I saw you.”

“Ah,” I nodded. “Three-Arms and One-Eye introduced me to her when I first got here, but they didn’t know she was Beryl, either. One-Eye told me he hadn’t met anyone who he knew was a xenoroid.”

“That makes sense.” Xenon said.


	36. Holiday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> festivity and remembrance

When we got back to the center of Haven, everyone was out. There was music playing louder than usual, and everyone was laughing a lot more. Moving a lot more. Dancing. It was a celebration.

We didn’t have to be afraid anymore. There wouldn’t be anyone sending out attacks on Haven anymore. There wouldn’t be anyone kidnapping and torturing anyone anymore. Hopefully there wouldn’t be anyone trying to destroy all of the world and everyone in it anymore. I could leave Haven without worrying about losing everyone I loved. Nothing that happened to me would ever happen to anyone else ever again, which is all I could ask for. And, because I will always carry a little bit of spite deep in my soul, I will always be able to cherish the fact that the person who took so much from me died a painful death he never wanted.

I took Xenon’s hand, and we joined in on the celebration. He was too embarrassed to try karaoke with me, but I didn’t mind. I was terrible, but it made others laugh, so that was just as good. He cheered me on, though. I heard his muffled laughs, but he’s too sweet to tell me outright how bad I was doing.

The party was interrupted by a crash.

For a minute, we all thought we were going to die. That something had gone wrong, that we forgot something, and that somehow it wasn’t over. Xenon and I held onto eachother as the ground’s shaking slowed.

“What was that?”

“We’re going to be okay.” He said before anything else. His voice carried more than he meant it to. Everyone else listened. “Claudine warned me about this. It’s just the black heaven hitting the ground. It took longer to fall out of the sky than a regular sky boat because of how it’s built.”

“Oh. Thank god. That’s weird though.”

“It is.” He nodded. He didn’t let go of me, and I didn’t want him to. I set my head in his shoulder.

Everyone stayed silent. I think we were all thinking. Thinking about everything that had happened that day. Everyone who was lost that day and every day before. Thinking about how even though this was the best ending we could’ve got, it wasn’t without its losses.

The celebration continued eventually, but it was slower than before.


	37. Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xenoroid group therapy

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Bitterbot again.

I stopped what I was doing. Xenon and I looked at eachother for a minute. I knew we had to go talk to her, but first,

“Beryl was in the lab with me for a while.” Xenon spoke up. “I probably should’ve explained it to you earlier.”

“Oh? What happened?”

“I don’t know, that’s the thing.” His eyebrows furrowed in worry. “I still don’t have a lot of memories from the lab, but she is in all my most recent ones. She was still loyal to him when I escaped. I have no idea what happened after I left.”

“Huh.” I looked down in thought. “I don’t have any guesses.”

She turned and started to leave. We followed her. When we were away from the crowd, she tore off her disguise head and turned to us.

“What do you want?!”

“We were just worried about you, Beryl.” Xenon said, holding up his hands. We were all whispering.

“I haven’t seen you in a while, I wanted to know if you were okay.” I added.

“You’ve seen me in Haven. You see me walking around. And now you know for a fact that it’s me. So why do you care any more?”

“You know that’s not what I mean to ask.” I took a step forward. “You always thought so highly of yourself being emotionless, but you were still attached to him. I’m worried about how you’re feeling, Beryl.”

“You shouldn’t be.” She glared, but slowly looked away. “I’m .. trying hard not to consider him my father anymore.”

“That.. probably takes some getting used to.” It was hard for me to respond when the person she called “father” did so much to me.

“I know what he did was evil. I know he was evil.” She sat down on a box. “I should’ve never tried to justify it.”

All I could do was nod.

“Didn’t he hurt you too?” Xenon asked.

“No. Not the way he hurt you guys.” She took off her cloak and started fidgeting with the button. She still wore her suit. “He actually helped me. A lot.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“When I was younger, I got really sick,” she started. “I should’ve died. I would’ve died if he hadn’t made me a xenoroid.”

We were all silent.

“I’m still accepting the fact that he used my own life against me.” She let go of the button. “And that, even if somehow he did care about me, it wouldn’t have made everything else he did okay.”

“Did you realize that back in the lab? After I left?” Xenon asked.

“No. I didn’t.”

In the quiet air, I could hear the music from the center of town.

“Why did you leave?” I bit the bullet.

“Because I wasn’t good enough.” She picked the button back up and squeezed it in between her fingers. “I didn’t want to escape. I wanted to die.”

Everything stopped.

I couldn’t hear the music this time. But it was just me.

“Beryl,” Xenon started, but he couldn’t get the rest of the words out of his lungs.

“Why do you sound so devastated,” she muttered. “Your boyfriend begged me for his life and I didn’t do anything. I’m just as bad as he was.”

“No you’re not.” I said. “He hurt you the same as he hurt us, even if it was more subtle. I would never hold that against you.”

She sat, staring at the button.

“You’re still just as stubborn as you were, too, huh?” She looked up. She didn’t look as angry as she usually did.


	38. Unfiltered Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 🧡🧡🧡

The night eventually calmed. The party was ending.

“I guess you’re gonna be going back home soon?” I asked Xenon.

“Not now, it’s pretty late.” He smiled. “I want to stay the night anyway, at the least.”

I couldn’t help but smile back at him.

“Do you watch the stars every night now that you’re free?”

“I’ve never really had the time, actually.”

“You do now.” I took his hand gently. “If you don’t mind the height, I like to watch the stars from that crane.”

He nodded, and we climbed the crane together. Once we were up to the top, he looked up. I saw his eyes light up. I could see the stars reflected in them. It was like a dream.

We sat down together at the crane’s edge. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer.

“Radon, you know more about me than I know about me.”

“You know a lot about yourself, you just haven’t remembered yet.”

It was a clear night. The sky was filled with vibrant purples, indigos, and blues. A million stars blinked above us. It almost felt like we weren’t even on Earth, like we could reach out and grab a handful of cosmic dust.

“Did I ever used to wonder what the night sky looked like from other places?” Xenon asked.

“All the time.” When I looked at him, he was just as much a work of art as the sky. “You can go see it now.”

“Would you come see it with me?”

“I’d love to.”


	39. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 💖

We laid back together, hand in hand, like we used to. Now we were outside, with our legs dangling off the crane. With the cool air resting on our faces and the sky unobscured.

We could still see the sky when the clouds rolled in.

“Even when the sky isn’t clear, it’s still beautiful.” Xenon said. “It’s so different than I always thought it was.”

“It is.” I agreed. “It actually feels real now.”

“Yeah.” He turned to look at me. “Do you have a home here?”

“I do.” I smiled. “I have my own tent, but I also spend a lot of my time at Three-Arms and One-Eye’s place.”

“Can I see it?” He asked.

“Of course. Did you want to go in the morning?”

“If you want to, I don’t mind seeing it now though.”

“Oh, that’s okay. I thought you’d want to watch the stars for longer.”

“I can still see them from the ground.” He laughed. “Thank you for pointing out the crane to me, though. I’ll probably spend a lot of time here.”

“I do too.”

We climbed down together. Once we were on the ground, we took eachother’s hand again and I walked him to where I stayed. The town was empty, and the air was silent. It all felt peaceful. I was glad to know this peace wasn’t as temporary as it was before.

“It’s not a lot, but it’s a good place to sleep in.” I said, presenting my tent to him.

“I think it’s nice.” He said as we stepped in.

“Thank you.” I laughed a little. “I’m going to go get changed out of my suit. I don’t like to sleep in it.”

“I’ll probably change out of mine too. I have extra clothes in my bag.”

“That bag can fit a lot.” I’d been thinking about it all day.

“Yeah, all adventurers seem to have a bag like it.”

“I should try to get one sometime.”

When we met back up, Xenon was wearing grey shorts and a grey tank top. I was wearing the black shirt and shorts I always wore before my suit was found. It meant a lot to me, strangely, since taking off our suits used to be forbidden.

“You can sleep in the bed. I don’t mind taking the floor.” I said, realizing that there was only one bed in my tent.

“No, it’s okay. We can share it.” Xenon said with a nervous smile. “Especially since I remembered how close we were.”

“Okay, if you’re okay with that.” I felt my face get warmer. I pulled back the covers and sat on the bed, and he sat next to me.

“What was the word that Beryl used? ‘Boyfriend’?” He asked.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “It’s like, the word you use before you get married, I guess.”

“We didn’t know about stuff like that back then, huh?”

“I didn’t.” I shook my head. “All I knew was that I love you.”

I saw his eyes light up, like he was looking at the sky again.

“I love you, too.” He smiled. “Since we know what it’s called now, I wouldn’t mind being your boyfriend.”

“I wouldn’t mind being your boyfriend too.” I said, tripping over my words. He laughed and kissed my cheek.

“I love you, Radon.”

“I love you too!”

When we laid down, we held eachother close. I didn’t know why I felt so nervous, since we’d done all this and more before. Maybe it was because it had been so long. Maybe it was because I could feel more of him now than I ever could before. I could feel my pulse when I was so close to him, but it didn’t feel like the quick shaky vibrations it usually did. Its beat was rhythmic and gentle, like the ocean’s waves. Its tempo matched his breathing.

“You’re so warm.” He nuzzled his head into my shoulder. I kissed his head.

It still felt unreal. It both felt like we picked up right where we left off and like we started something entirely new. To think I woke up that day with the same fear that I might never see him again, and now he was in my arms. I guess I was a little lucky.

For the rest of the night, it felt like we were just a normal couple. I cherished it.


	40. Delayed Response

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Processing things

I woke up the next morning peacefully. When I looked down, Xenon was still in my arms. He was holding me, too, curled up and resting against me. I was thankful I didn’t just dream of him.

A ray of sunlight had fallen on us. It was warm. Our pulses were still in sync.

He woke up soon. He blinked a few times and looked up at me. His eyes were calm, and full of love. It made me so happy to see him relaxed and safe.

“Goodmorning.” I was quiet and still half asleep, but I kissed his forehead anyway. He kissed me back on the lips.

After a little while of enjoying the warmth of the air, covers, and eachother, we sat up. It was almost like letting a dream end. We blinked a few times, fully awake, and thought about the same thing.

“Yesterday was.. a long day.” Xenon finally said.

“It was.” I nodded. “It doesn’t feel like it was just yesterday, or like it was only one day.”

“Yeah.” He said. “Are you okay?”

“I mean, as okay as I’ve been.” Which wasn’t necessarily a good thing .. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know. Physically, yes.”

“That’s fair. I’m glad it’s over.”

I could’ve told him about the feelings I was grappling with. I could’ve told him that I had no idea how to heal from everything, that I had no clue how I could ever just go on as a normal person after everything that happened to me. I had no idea if the constant anxiety would ever stop, or if I’d ever be able to go a day without some horrifying panic attack. Or that I didn’t know how to keep my brain from wandering into my trauma whenever I sat alone without stimulation for too long, and how it made me dissociate bad and just have more anxiety attacks. But we were in this together, going through the same trauma together, and I didn’t want to scare him.

And, with him here, I felt like maybe I could get through it. Maybe I could heal. It wouldn’t be easier, but the task felt less daunting now that he was with me.

“Have you met any other xenoroids out here?” Xenon asked.

“I haven’t seen anyone outside the caves aside from you and Beryl.” I started. “And on the black heaven.”

“Oh.” He was afraid to ask the rest of his question, because all the other xenoroids who were on there died. “Did you .. see anyone we knew?”

“I wouldn’t know. Everything was all blurry in there.” I hoped someone, anyone got out. “I wouldn’t have the guts to try to see anyway.”

“That makes sense.” He said, gently setting his hand on mine. “Do you have any good memories of anyone we knew? I want to hear about them.”

“Yeah, I have a few.” I smiled weakly. The memories did make me happy, but now they were bittersweet. “I only really remember two other xenoroids right now. There were a lot, though. I hope I can remember more of them sometime. They deserve more than to just be forgotten.”

“I’m sure we both will in time.” He squeezed my hand gently, the way he always did when I was drained. “Tell me about the two for now.”

“Okay.” I looked back up, and the shine in his eyes gave me strength. “One was named Cal, you know, like Calcium. She had brown hair that was long-ish, I guess, but not as long as Beryl’s. I think she was given purple eyes, but they always dulled to silver for some reason.”

“Was her suit black and purple?” He asked.

“White and purple, I think.” I looked up in thought, searching for the memory. “I guess it kinda looked more like Beryl’s. She was always really sweet, and really quiet. And she zoned out a lot. I think I kinda get it now, but she had it pretty rough.”

“That’s sad to hear.” He set his head on my shoulder.

“Yeah. She held on like the rest of us, though, and she never lost hope.” I nodded. “And, the other one I remember, his name was Krypton. He had short, spiked black hair that I frankly thought was really cool looking. I think his eyes were red, but I think they also dulled to silver a lot. Maybe that’s just how a lot of the xenoroid eyes were at that point. I don’t know.”

“That’s a weird thing about the eyes.” Xenon said. “Did his suit look like ours?”

“Yeah, it was black and red.” I looked at a ray of sun hitting the side of the tent while I remembered. “I don’t know how he did it. He never seemed tired, but he always seemed angry. Not angry in a mean way, though. He was never angry at the rest of us. He had a loud voice, and he always fought against the black wings officers and the roach. Sometimes he did things that weren’t smart because it meant throwing a wrench into the roach’s plans. Once he even tried to hurt him. Maybe even a few times.” I smiled at the memory. “I really looked up to him.”

“That’s really good to hear. I couldn’t imagine doing something like that.”

“Yeah. I would’ve tried, but, you know.” I turned my hand over to hold Xenon’s. “He lived life like he had nothing to lose. It gave me a lot of my own confidence.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Xenon smiled.

“Yeah.” I looked out the crack in the tent’s entranceway. Everyone was walking around outside. It was another normal day to them. “I hope they’re both okay, but at least they’d both be happy to see the roach die.”

Xenon set his other hand on my shoulder, and soon we stood up together.


	41. Into The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world just doesn't get it sometimes

I told him about the kind of stuff I usually did in Haven while we changed into our suits.

“Hopefully you won’t have to do so much now.” He smiled, taking my hand before we went outside.

“Yeah, at least the worst of it should be over with.” We kissed again before stepping outside.

Everything seemed brighter. The tension that had been building the weeks before was gone, and everyone seemed even happier than they did before anything happened. Others who I didn’t see around a lot were out and moving through the town. I didn’t consider how many residents had been hidden away in fear until then. At least it was over.

I found Three-Arms and One-Eye at One-Eye’s work station. It was nice to see them both, but it seemed like they had a lot of work on their hands.

“Morning!” I waved to them.

“Goodmorning!” Three-Arms waved back. “I hope you two slept well!”

“I think that was the best I’ve ever slept.” I smiled. “Is there anything you need me to do today?”

“Not now, actually.” She shook her head, even though I could see that she and One-Eye were busy sorting scraps.

“Are you sure?” I tilted my head. “I don’t mind helping.”

“You don’t have to worry about us, Radon.” One-Eye looked up. “We’re better off now than we’ve ever been because of you two. Enjoy yourselves for a while.”

I looked at them, then back at Xenon. I was excited to see the world with him.

“Okay. I love you guys.”

When they looked up, they saw the glow in my eyes. They both stopped to give me a hug before I left.

“They seem really sweet.” Xenon told me as we were walking out of Scrapyard.

“They are.” I smiled wide. “They’re like parents to me.”

“That sounds nice.” He was smiling, but he looked down at the ground.

“They’d love you too if they got the chance to meet you.” I reassured, wrapping my arm around him. “I don’t know how anyone could meet you and not adore you.”

He laughed a little and leaned into me.

“That’s really kind of you to say. I don’t know how many people would agree with you, though.”

“Anyone who doesn’t has to be dumber than I am.”

He laughed again, but I kept thinking about what he said. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn’t.

“Really, though, what do you mean by that?” I ended up asking after a few minutes.

“I don’t know how to explain it,” he looked back at the ground. “I guess some people have just been more critical of me.”

“Critical of what about you? You haven’t done anything.”

“Just, of where I come from, I guess.”

“From Edelstein? Where everyone in Edelstein is from??”

He chuckled, but shook his head.

“No, they don’t treat me like I’m from Edelstein.” He paused. “People in Haven are just more understanding, I guess. We all went through a similar experience, so I guess they understand better. But, when I was first able to get out of the lab, a lot of people treated me like I was dangerous to have around.” He stopped talking and took a breath. “Some people treated me like I deserved to be back in the lab.”

I stopped walking. I couldn’t have kept going even if I wanted to.

“Who. I want names.”

“You don’t have to do anything, Radon.” He shook his head. “They just didn’t understand the way you and everyone in Haven does.”

“You were kidnapped and abused. What’s there to not understand?” I held him tighter, but I couldn’t look at him. “There’s no excuse for anyone to be that cruel to someone, whether they know better or not.”

“I know.” He nodded, hugging me. “It felt awful.”

“You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.”

We stopped there for a while, and did nothing but hold eachother.


	42. Promessa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Futuristic vehicles and pulse resonance

“Thank you, for caring about me.” Xenon said quietly as we let eachother go. We kissed again. It was like we were catching up on lost time.

“Of course. I wish everyone cared about you the same way.”

We took one another’s hand again and continued walking. I wondered to myself what else he had gone through when I wasn’t there. It made me kind of worried. With everything considered, I assumed the world would have been more understanding of us. I guess a lot was wrong in the world too though. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t be here like this. 

I hoped his friend I had met earlier, Roo-d, had been able to comfort and reassure him when I couldn’t.

“I guess we’re going to Edelstein?” I eventually asked. We hadn’t got to the trains yet, and were standing in an empty, rocky desert.

“We could, if you want.” He looked up. “I wanted to show you something, but I didn’t want to startle anyone in Haven.”

“Oh?” I tilted my head in confusion, and vague concern since I didn’t know what he meant at all. “What did you want to show me?”

He pulled out something handheld with buttons on it, and pressed one. In a few minutes, something showed up, whooshing up seemingly from out of nowhere. It looked kind of like .. a car?

“It’s the Promessa.” He explained. “It’s a vehicle that can take you anywhere. The resistance developed it for me.”

“Dude? That’s so cool !!” I walked up to it cautiously. “The resistance made it? That’s amazing!”

“Yeah. They had to make a lot of things for me, mostly to help me .. stay hidden.”

“That makes sense. I’m really glad they kept you safe.”

“I am too.” He smiled. “They’ve helped me with a lot of things.”

“Do you stay with them?”

“Yeah. I stay at their base in Veritas. That’s where I used to spend most of my time, since it’s hardest to detect my pulse resonance when I’m there.”

“What’s ‘pulse resonance’ mean?”

“It’s like a heartbeat, but for xenoroids, I guess. That’s how we’re supposed to find other xenoroids. I’m pretty bad at detecting it, though.” He came to stand next to me. “You probably have one. It feels like a blend of a regular pulse and like, vibrating, I guess.”

I thought back.

“... Ohhhhh. That makes sense. That makes A Lot of sense.” I nodded. “I think there’s something wrong with mine.”

“Is it really fast and unsteady?”

“Yeah, almost all the time.”

“I think that’s from anxiety. I can try to ask some of the people at Veritas about that.” He took my hand again. “I’ve had that, too. Some of the people there have told me that I have trauma, but it’s hard to manage because I can’t remember where it all comes from.”

“I know that’s where mine comes from. I’m really sorry to hear you’ve been having a hard time with it.” I squeezed his hand gently.

“It’s okay. It gets a little easier every day.”

I looked up at him. He was smiling gently.

“I’ll always be here for you if you need anything at all from me.” I reminded him. “I love you.”

“Thank you. I love you too.” He climbed into the Promessa, then took my hand and helped me in as well. “I’ll be here for you, too.”


	43. Veritas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New places nd new faces

“Do you need to drive it manually, or does it go on its own?”

“Both, kind of.” Xenon pulled up a hologram screen. “It could be driven manually if someone wanted to, but if you choose a destination it’ll take you there without any further input.”

“Cooool.” There weren’t as many buttons as I thought there might be on the inside, but every surface seemed to pull up a holographic touch screen. I tried to not mess with anything.

“Where do you want to go first?” Xenon had a glow in his eyes that made me smile.

“Wherever you want to go.”

“I can show you Veritas.” He smiled, but his expression seemed to flatten a little bit after he said it. “It does kind of look like a .. clinical environment when you first walk in, I guess, not too much, but there’s cool stuff in it I think you’d like. I just wanted to warn you.”

“Thank you for letting me know. I really appreciate it.” I reassured him. “I’m ready to go when you are.”

Watching Xenon’s face light back up eased my worries and brought me a strong, familiar joy. Everything about him was unreal. Every moment with him felt like a gift.

“It goes a little fast, though.” He said, stopping me from getting any more lost in his smile. “You don’t have to worry about it, it just might be a little jarring at first.”

“Huh?” I blinked. “Oh! Fast. Okay. Thank you for telling me.”

He laughed a bit before starting the Promessa.

It went REALLY fast.

It didn’t scare me too bad, but I did find myself holding onto my seat once we stopped. Once we were stationary, I ended up kinda melting into Xenon’s shoulder. He held me and tried not to chuckle.

“It’s okay, Radon. It’s not so bad once you get used to it.”

“It didn’t really freak me out, it was just ! A lot.” I stammered.

“I know.” I felt him set his hand in my hair. “I won’t get up until you’re ready.”

“Hey, Xenon! You’re back!” I heard an unfamiliar voice call. “And you brought a man? Congrats!”

“Usually I’d advise you to Not bring visitors over, but Roo-d told me about the situation ahead of time.” Another person I didn’t recognize added.

“Wait, why didn’t you tell me he was gonna bring someone over Roo-d?”

“Because I knew you wouldn’t make a big stink about it.”

“Who are they?” I asked, with my face still buried against Xenon.

“I’ll explain once you can see them.”

“Can you tell me who the red head is?” The first voice asked.

“It’s orange.”

“Fair enough.”

“Again, I’ll tell you once he sits up.”

“Ahh, it was his first time riding around in the Promessa, huh?” The same man asked. “You should’ve driven it around a little before coming.”

“No, I’m good.” I lifted a hand.

“If you insist. I hope it was fun, at least.”

“It was pretty cool! I just need to give the rest of my body time to catch up.”

It was really a combination of things that kept me from sitting up. I was nervous about meeting new people, worried about what the inside of Veritas might look like, and being hidden in Xenon’s shoulder was a really comfortable place to be in. Getting to talk to them before I looked up helped though, so it only took me a few more minutes to sit up.

I focused on the people before I really looked at the room. They were both adult men with brown hair. The more talkative one had slightly darker hair, and wore half of a blue visor. The other one carried a clipboard, and seemed to have grey hairs sneaking into his hair and beard.

“Good to finally see you!” The talkative one greeted with a wave of a hand. “I’m Edwin.”

I smiled, but apparently just forgot to respond.

“Who are you?” I asked the other one.

“You can just call me Professor Dreamboat.”

“What about you, orange head?” Edwin joked.

“Oh, sorry.” I blinked. “I’m Radon.”

“It’s all good. Cool name.”

“Thank you.” I was kind of hesitant to respond. I thought about my name similarly to how I thought of my suit; I didn’t hate it, and at the very least it was pretty neat, but I did hate its origins. I guess it was mine now either way, unless I ever decided to intentionally disown it.

“How far back do you and Xenon go?” He asked.

“Really far,” I didn’t know how specific I should get, or could get without feeling the effects creep up on me.

“Ah,” he sighed a sympathetic sigh, and I thought I saw him shoot a look at Professor Dreamboat. He looked back to me before I could be sure, though. “You’ll always be welcome here if you need a place to go. Right, Professor?”

“Yes, of course. I’ll let the others know.”

There was a pause. I was still getting used to talking to people.

“Thank you both.”


	44. Interactions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whiplash

Xenon took my hand and helped me out of the Promessa. It had docked us in a dark-walled cylindrical entrance, but the walls further inside were stark white. They were tall, and somewhat reminded me of the room Xenon and I used to spend all our time in. At least that was probably the best place they could remind me of.

When I turned around, I was met with something entirely unexpected. There were giant glass walls on the rest of the building. The sight through them was bright, vibrant, full of life. Everything was a bright blue. It showed the vast underwater ocean.

I could feel myself glow as I watched the deep sea plants sway in the current. I ran right up to one of the windows to get a better look, and watched a school of fish swim by. My face smiled without me having to force it to.

“You didn’t tell me it was underwater!” I beamed as Xenon walked back next to me.

“That was the surprise.” I heard the glow in his voice. “I love the sight here, too.”

So many creatures swam by, of all different kinds of shapes and colors. There were a lot that I didn’t know the names of. The jellyfish always caught my eye, since they were blobby and something I couldn’t just call “a fish.” I had completely forgotten about them. I could’ve stayed there for hours, but a voice cut me off.

“What! Who’s this?!”

I yelped and jumped back, clinging to Xenon’s arm. He held me with his other arm, and his grip was grounding.

“Quiet down, old man. He’s allowed to be here.” Edwin stepped up.

“Where’d you manage to find another one of these robots?” The same bitter old man asked.

I felt my heart sink.

“They’re not robots.” Edwin stood his ground.

“Whatever. You can’t just be bringing everything you feel bad for into Veritas.” He was already starting to leave, like he only showed up to cause a fuss in the first place.

Once he left, there was silence.

“Don’t worry about him.” Edwin turned toward me. “He’s like that to everyone. He’ll shut up eventually. I have to get back to what I was working on, but you know where to find me if you need anything”

Once Edwin left, I looked up at Xenon.

“Who was that?” I asked.

“That was Prometheus.” His face looked strained as he told me. “He wasn’t happy to see me here for the first time, either.”

I thought back to what Xenon and I discussed leaving Haven.

“Do you want me to hurt him?” I asked.

“No! No, you don’t have to. Please don’t. I don’t want you to get in trouble.” He hugged me tight.

“Don’t worry, Radon. He wouldn’t let me try, either.”

When I looked over, I had to look down. Roo-d was there, and she had a cool black and green vehicle that was floating about a foot off the ground.

“Oh, hey!” I said, somewhat relieved. “You stay here too?”

“I go wherever Xenon goes.” She answered. “It’s been that way for a while.”

“I wish I could’ve met you sooner.” I said.

“I wish I could’ve met you in general. It’s good to know you now, though.” She continued as I sat on the ground in front of her. “I’m glad to know Xenon wasn’t just alone before I was created.”

“I’m glad to know he wasn’t alone after I was .. subdued.” I hesitated, taking Xenon’s hand as he sat on the ground next to me. “Thank you, Roo-d.”

“Thank you, too.”


	45. Disconnect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the feeling of not belonging

“What kind of stuff do you guys usually do?”

“We’ve gone on a lot of missions for the Resistance.” Xenon answered.

“That sounds cool! I thought you had to stay in hiding, though.”

“Yeah, we did. That’s why we were told to stay here for a while.” Roo-d explained. “Beryl was looking for us, but they started sending Xenon back on missions anyway.”

“Wait, slow down.” I interrupted. “Beryl was the one looking for you?”

“She was.” Xenon nodded. “Just her. That’s why we had to go somewhere that could obscure pulse resonance.”

“Geez,”

“Yeah. I wish they sent someone else on some of those missions.” There was a bite to Roo-d’s words. “Sending him back out was stupid enough already.”

“What kind of missions did they assign you guys ?”

“They made him go back to the caves once.” Roo-d answered before Xenon could.

I gripped Xenon’s hand a little tighter. He was safe now, but I started to feel dizzy regardless.

“What the fuck?”

“That’s what I thought, too.” Roo-d nodded.

“I was okay.” Xenon said quickly. “They gave me something to disguise me. I was okay.”

“That’s still not okay. That’s not an okay thing to do to you.” I shook my head. “I thought you said the people here knew you had trauma from that.”

“Some of them know,” his voice had quieted. “Others,”

“If you heard some of the things people have said about him, Radon, you’d lose it.” Roo-d grumbled, glaring in the direction Prometheus had come in from. “Nathania isn’t as bad as Prometheus, though.”

“What is it?” A woman asked. She had walked out the entranceway Prometheus left from earlier. “.. Why are you all sitting on the ground?”

“We were just talking with Roo-d.” Xenon explained.

“Alright.” She looked us over, then focused her eyes on me. “Professor Dreamboat told me you may be staying with us for a while. Radon, correct?”

“Yes.” I nodded. I tried to smile, but I was a little nervous. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You as well. I’m Dr.Nathania.” She looked me over. “You’re .. the same as Xenon, are you?”

“I .. guess? Yeah,” I knew what she meant, but the way she said it made me feel weird.

“Interesting.” When she looked at me, it felt more like she was looking at the pieces of me. It’s hard to explain the feeling, but I knew the stare well. It was the kind of stare someone gave you when they viewed you as a project to be studied. “I suppose I’ll see you around, then.”

When she left, I turned back toward Xenon and Roo-d.

“Does she look at everyone like that?” I asked.

“It’s not just you.” Xenon confirmed.

“Is everyone here weird about xenoroids??”

“No, just those two.” Roo-d said. “You met Edwin already, didn’t you?”

“I did.” I nodded. “I guess it’s just .. unexpected.”

Unexpected, devastating, and overpowering.


	46. Glow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 💛🧡

“Have you met everyone yet?” Professor Dreamboat asked. He had come into the room soon after. “.. Would you like me to pull up some chairs for you all?”

“It’s okay, I’m good.” I responded to the chair part.

“Yes, everyone has introduced themselves to Radon.” Xenon nodded.

“That’s good. How did it go?”

“Weird,” I admitted. “The only person who treated me like .. a person, was Edwin.”

“Ah. I should’ve warned you about Prometheus. That’s on me.” He apologized. “I can’t make excuses for him and Nathania. They are older, and more stuck in their ways, but that’s no excuse. I do apologize for them.”

“It’s okay, it’s nothing to do with you.” I held up my hand. I didn’t want the rest of my sentence to sound too aggressive. “I just don’t get how meeting someone who was forcibly turned into a xenoroid can be something to be ‘stuck in a way’ about.”

“I know. You’re right about that.” He nodded. “They’re just used to seeing androids rather than cyborgs.”

I nodded. It stung, but I was glad he knew the difference.

I noticed the room was starting to get darker.

“What’s with the lights?” I asked.

“We mostly use natural lighting in Veritas. We have back up fluorescents, but we don’t run them 24/7. Right now it’s approaching evening, so the lighting in here is just darkening along with the rest of the sky.”

“That’s really cool.”

“I agree. You’d be surprised by what you can see in the ocean at night.” He cracked a small smile. “Do you plan to stay the night?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“He can stay in my room, Professor.” Xenon said.

“Sounds good. You should probably show him where the rooms are. I’ll be out here if you need me.”

“Thank you.” I said, standing up. I took Xenon’s hand and helped him up, as a return for the situation with the Promessa earlier. And also just because I like to hold his hand.

Xenon walked me to his room. When we stepped inside, the first thing I noticed was that the walls, floor, and ceiling were all a dark grey. There were also glowing cyan blue lights snaking around the walls and ceiling as detailing. Aside from that, the furniture included a bed, desk, chair, and a few other objects. Those all seemed pretty mundane. In a good way. They made the place feel more cozy. Like a place a person would live in.

“You have a really nice room.” I admired. “How did you decide on the dark grey?”

I would’ve chosen dark colors over white any day, but sometimes they can feel a little dull. I always thought he would’ve painted his room galaxy colors, but I guess that’s also a big project, all things considered.

“It was white when I first came here. I started having pretty bad panic attacks, though. No one could figure out why, but eventually someone suggested repainting my room. Once the room was painted, the panic attacks stopped.”

“Geez,” I looked around. “That makes sense. I’m sorry you didn’t know what was causing it.”

“I’m alright now.” He smiled his gentle smile. “That’s also when I got these lights. Someone suggested installing them to light the room back up. They change color, actually.”

“Really? That’s awesome!” I looked through all the paths the lights made while he looked for the remote control. “I love this blue you have it on.”

Whenever I saw the color cyan blue, I thought about Xenon. It would remind me of all the time I spent staring into his eyes, and the feeling of being in his arms. It made me feel safe.

“Thank you. Everyone who’s seen my room feels the same way.” He picked up a remote. “I can choose a color, or let the color change.”

He pressed a button, and the blue started to fade to indigo, then violet, then red, then all the other letters of ROYGBIV.

“That’s so coooool!” I glowed. “It’s relaxing to watch.”

“It is.” His smile widened for a moment. “I remember something, though. Not something from a long time ago, just a strange occurrence from Veritas that feels apt to bring up now.”

“What is it?” I asked, turning fully toward him again.

“A while back, I was kind of having a rough day. Watching the colors change didn’t really do anything to help me, so I tried to just set it to one of the static color settings.” He paused, collecting his thoughts. “I noticed that when the colors were set to gold, I felt okay enough to sleep. I found out another day that orange was the same way.” 

I stared, wondering if I was understanding everything right, and feeling a glow deep inside me.

“I didn’t understand why that was at the time, but now, looking at you, I think it makes a lot more sense.”

I hugged him tight. There were tears in my eyes. Tears from joy.


	47. Heartfelt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaa

We held eachother, stopped to get changed out of our atomic suits, and then held eachother again.

“I’m thankful to hear that even a trace of my memory was able to comfort you.” I got out eventually. Speaking suddenly seemed like a daunting task. I wanted so badly to say the right thing that I almost compromised to saying nothing at all.

When our hug loosened, our eyes locked. When he looked at me, he could see me. He didn’t just look at the body I was in, or what had been done to it.

Our eyes closed, and we kissed again.

This time it was longer than the last few. It reminded me of our first time.

“I’m glad I know now.” He told me once it ended. “It’s only been a few days, but you’ve made me so happy.”

“You have too.” My heart swelled and I could feel tears roll down my face. “I have countless nightmares, but you’re the only thing I dream about. My memories of you are the biggest reason I’ve been able to get as far as I’ve gotten. The fact that I’ve made it long enough to be here with you again, and the fact that you’re still here, means the world to me.”

He wiped my tears, but I could see a similar sheen in his eyes. He wore the same heart-swelled smile.

“I love you, Radon. I love you so much.”

“I love you too!” My voice cracked as I held him close. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything.”

We stayed there for a while. Part of me never wanted to be anywhere else.

Wherever he went, though, I would follow.

“It’s about night now.” He mentioned some time later, once we had both stopped tearing up. “Did you want to go see how the ocean looks?”

“Yeah! That sounds really cool.” My eyes lit up, and I saw excitement in his smile.

He took my hand and walked me back to the lobby area we had just came through.

I looked up at the dark ocean. I saw little specks floating through the water, but as we got closer to the windows, they got clearer. They were glowing.

A hundred creatures floated by. Some large, some small, some just looked like glints of metal. They stood out brightly against the darkened sea, like stars in the night sky. Except they were a thousand different colors. They were all bioluminescent.

“Wow,” I awed. “That’s beautiful.”

“It is.” Xenon squeezed my hand gently. “You should see the jellyfish blooms.”

“The little blobby dudes?” I asked.

“Yes, the little blobby dudes.” He laughed. We sat down together at a counter against one of the windows. “Prometheus doesn’t like when Roo-d and I get on his table, but it’s a good spot to watch the ocean from.”

“Fuck that guy. I’m taking his table.” I joked. Xenon laughed again.

We watched, his hand resting on mine, and for a while were silent. It was just as mesmerizing as the stars were. They were both vast, open, unknown, free. And beautiful.

The silence was peaceful.

When I caught a glimpse of his face, the wonder in his eyes, I could feel myself fall in love with him all over again.

“I’m glad I can make you happy.” The words escaped my lips without me having to think much about it.

“I can’t imagine it any other way.” He turned toward me, and suddenly I felt like the ocean he was admiring. “You’ve done so much for me, then and now.”

“You have too. You got me through hell.” When I told him, he wrapped his other hand around my arm gently and leaned into me.

“I’m thankful I could be there for you.”

“I love you.” I told him. I wanted to say a lot more.

“I love you too.”

We stayed there for a few hours. Eventually, I saw Xenon yawn. It kind of made me wonder why I could never feel regular tiredness. Maybe I did need to sleep after all. More than that, though, I wanted Xenon to get the sleep he needed.

“Did you want to go to bed soon?” I asked.

“Yeah, it’s getting late.” He nodded. “We can come out here any night. Every night, if you want.”

I smiled wider than I realized. That was true. I didn’t have to keep myself awake all night cherishing limited time. I didn’t have to sit in slow moments terrified of what would come after they were over. I could live. We could live. Live like normal people.

I stood up and took Xenon’s hand again. He walked me back to his room, but I let him lean on me the whole time. We shared his bed, and held eachother the way we did in mine. It had never been so easy for me to fall asleep.


	48. Bad Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm here

Blinking slowly, I woke up to the sound of quiet crying. Everything was okay. I was still in Xenon’s room, in Xenon’s bed. I was in his arms, pressed deep against his chest.

He was cradling my head, the way he used to when I was hurt. It was the way you hold someone that you want to protect and cherish. That’s how I always felt when I held him that way. We were on the same pillow, and it was wet with tears.

“Xenon?” I asked, still waking up. “What’s wrong?”

His sobs quieted and his grip loosened, both by just a tad. I was able to look up at his face. The tears in his eyes tore at me, but the relief in his smile put me back together again.

“I’m sorry to wake you up.” He spoke softly, as if he was still trying to avoid waking me up. “I just had a bad dream.”

“It’s okay. I’m really sorry to hear you had a bad dream.” The idea of him having a nightmare worried me. It could’ve been about anything. I reached my head up and kissed his cheek gently. When I did, I thought I heard him stifle a sob, and his grip tightened just a little bit around my shoulders.

“I love you, Radon.” His voice was wobbly.

“I love you too.” I hoped he could hear the light in my voice. I brought my hand up to stroke a lock of hair out of his face and tried to whisper reassuring things while I did. “It’s okay. We’re okay.”

We held eachother for a while. I was willing to lay with him for as long as he needed. His arms were my home.

“I had a nightmare that you weren’t here.” He spoke slowly, ending the silence.

“I’m sorry. I’m here now, and I’ll always be here.”

“I know, I know you will now,” he explained himself, “the nightmare was about .. back then. When you ..”

I stroked his hair again as his voice cracked and went out. I would’ve wrapped my other arm around him then, but it was hard to do since we were laying down.

“I was so scared. I thought you were gone forever.” He spoke through the tears. “I didn’t want to keep living in that place without you. I didn’t want to forget about you.”

I cradled his head as he spoke. His voice failed again, but I managed to get both my arms around him.

“I know, it’s okay,” I held him close. He held onto me like he was afraid something would pull us apart again. “You should’ve never had to go through that. Neither of us deserved that.”

“It’s overwhelming.”

“I know it is.” I kissed his head. “The feeling will pass. It’ll always be a painful memory, but after you’ve processed it once it gets easier. I’ll be here for as long as you need.”

“Thank you.” He managed to look up at me. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter I had written ahead of time, so the daily uploads are probably gonna stop :( I don't have any plans for an ending though, so I'll continue to update this whenever I get the chance. Thank you to everyone who's enjoyed it so far! <3


	49. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> don't worry, it's hard for me to cope with it too

We got up eventually. I still didn’t know if xenoroids needed to eat or drink, but I asked Xenon to show me where the kitchen was so he could get some breakfast. He held onto my arm as we walked, but he moved slowly. We still had on our sleep clothes, and the cold tile floor reminded me of some pretty bad places. I imagine it wasn’t doing much to help him feel better.

“Do you have any slip-ons?” I asked, ending the silence in the hall.

“What?” He looked up, and I noticed his eyes had been staring off somewhere else before. “Oh. Uh. I don’t know. What are they?”

“They’re like shoes, but for inside.” I’d never owned a pair before, but I heard of them. “They might be nice to wear around here, they keep you warm.”

“That sounds nice. We can try to look for some later.”

When we got to the kitchen, Roo-d was already there. She was floating in the doorway as if she had been waiting for us.

“Where’ve you guys been? It’s pretty late.” She asked.

I looked at Xenon. I didn’t know how much he was comfortable sharing.

“Rough morning.” He answered.

“Ah.” Roo-d nodded, like this was a regular occurrence. I squeezed his hand gently, and he leaned against me.

“Can you show me where everything is? I wanted to make Xenon some breakfast.” I asked Roo-d. I didn’t know how to cook, but I would learn if I had to.

“Sure!” She chirped, floating up to a shelf. “I’m guessing you don’t know how to cook?”

“No, but I can try.”

“No, please. You don’t have to. We don’t need another fire.”

“‘Another?’”

“There’s some cereal in here! You just need to add milk.”

“Like right into the box?”

“No! Here, get a bowl from this cabinet.”

“Ooh, okay. Thank you!”

“You’re welcome!”

After filling the bowl with cereal and milk, I filled up a glass of water. Roo-d stood back and watched, probably to make sure I didn’t spill milk everywhere, but I thought I saw warmth in her expression.

“Thank you.” Xenon said quietly when I handed him the water.

“Of course.” I smiled, glad to see his eyes light up for the first time that day. “You told me that every day gets a little easier, and I want to be here for you to make sure that’s clear even on days when it seems hard to believe.”

“Yeah.” He smiled gently.

“Hold on, Xenon told you that?” Roo-d spoke up. “Are you sure you’re not confusing him with another xenoroid?”

“Uh, yeah, Xenon told me.” I replied, confused. “He said it just yesterday.”

“Ah.. he’s never been much of an optimist before.”

My eyebrows furrowed, in confusion and concern, and I looked back at Xenon. He looked away.

“Hey, it’s okay.” I reassured, setting a hand on his shoulder. “Just don’t feel like you need to hide it from me if you’re not feeling great, okay? I’ve done that a lot, and I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“It’s just really hard.” He looked up. There was a shakiness behind his eyes, like he wanted to open up about something but was nervous to.

“I know, that’s why I’m here.” I opened my arms to him, and he hugged me tight.

“You should get yourself some cereal, too.” Xenon pointed out to me once we let go of one another.

“Oh. Yeah, you’re right.”

**Author's Note:**

> (Chapter 1 note) This is the first work of mine that I'm uploading to AO3! I've written a few chapters ahead, so I'll do my best to upload those in a timely manner. I'm nervous, but excited to share Radon's story! (It was tough to write, 😅 it gets heavy)


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